1
00:00:34,666 --> 00:00:40,161
The ceremonial passage
into manhood involves risk for the warrior.
2
00:00:40,238 --> 00:00:45,232
If he triumphs over his prey,
he will be accepted as an adult.
3
00:00:46,411 --> 00:00:51,542
If he fails, it will cost him
his future status in the tribe,
4
00:00:51,617 --> 00:00:54,347
and possibly his life.
5
00:00:55,887 --> 00:00:58,981
I wish it was that easy in my tribe.
6
00:01:01,193 --> 00:01:06,187
See, I'm Jewish,
and our ritual is called a bar mitzvah.
7
00:01:07,199 --> 00:01:09,360
We have to get up
in front of people
8
00:01:09,434 --> 00:01:13,530
and give a speech in this really
hard language called Hebrew.
9
00:01:13,605 --> 00:01:15,630
Then there's the party.
10
00:01:18,443 --> 00:01:19,740
In some neighborhoods,
11
00:01:19,811 --> 00:01:23,212
the party becomes a lot more important
than anything else.
12
00:01:23,281 --> 00:01:27,217
I live in one of those neighborhoods.
13
00:01:27,285 --> 00:01:31,688
My problems started
at Zachary Stein's bar-mitzvah party,
14
00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:34,851
which, believe it or not,
was on a cruise ship.
15
00:01:37,362 --> 00:01:43,096
In 1912, we had the original Titanic,
in 1997, Titanic the movie,
16
00:01:43,168 --> 00:01:46,797
and today, Titanic,
the bar mitzvah!
17
00:01:46,872 --> 00:01:48,737
- Cue the iceberg.
- Icebergs.
18
00:01:49,307 --> 00:01:55,507
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the man of the hour, Zachary Stein!
19
00:02:05,691 --> 00:02:09,422
- Jaws are dropping, honey.
- I'm so proud of him.
20
00:02:10,062 --> 00:02:12,530
- Cue the mermaids.
- Mermaids.
21
00:02:18,503 --> 00:02:22,496
Zach wanted a movie theme,
but his parents wouldn't go for "Kill Bill."
22
00:02:26,545 --> 00:02:30,777
Today I am...
the king of the Torah!
23
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:50,098
Whoo!
24
00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:56,234
This party rules!
25
00:03:00,545 --> 00:03:02,342
Whoo!
26
00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:07,216
- Look at all this ice cream.
- Is this low-carb?
27
00:03:11,623 --> 00:03:14,558
This ice cream is awesome.
28
00:03:15,527 --> 00:03:17,085
Great party, Zach!
29
00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:22,564
The Steins were, like,
the happiest family in America.
30
00:03:23,568 --> 00:03:29,734
The Fiedlers were, like, not, which is
a big-time bite, 'cause I'm with them.
31
00:03:29,808 --> 00:03:33,710
My dad always wanted to be a movie
producer, but he became an agent,
32
00:03:33,779 --> 00:03:37,112
which is like being a pimp
for TV and movie stars.
33
00:03:37,182 --> 00:03:39,673
My mom's, like, normal.
34
00:03:39,751 --> 00:03:43,949
- Is anyone here a relative?
- They're by the bathroom, actually.
35
00:03:44,022 --> 00:03:46,513
It's just over the top.
It's too much.
36
00:03:46,591 --> 00:03:50,687
- That's how we do business in this town.
- It's ridiculous. Thank you.
37
00:03:51,363 --> 00:03:54,799
There I am,
the life of the party.
38
00:03:54,866 --> 00:03:57,562
And there she is.
39
00:03:57,636 --> 00:04:00,230
I thought Ashley was perfect.
40
00:04:00,305 --> 00:04:04,605
She was totally hot, and she cared about
the important things in life.
41
00:04:04,676 --> 00:04:08,134
- Is my lip gloss too shiny?
- No, it's great.
42
00:04:08,213 --> 00:04:11,808
- I like your hair.
- It's gel.
43
00:04:14,653 --> 00:04:16,143
Don't worry.
I fired him.
44
00:04:16,221 --> 00:04:20,590
My father and Zach's were best friends
until my dad started his own agency
45
00:04:20,659 --> 00:04:25,722
and took his two biggest clients with him.
They still act buddy-buddy, but it's all bull.
46
00:04:25,797 --> 00:04:27,697
- Jo-Jo.
- Hey.
47
00:04:27,766 --> 00:04:30,860
Wow... is all I can say. Wow.
48
00:04:30,936 --> 00:04:35,566
Zach's stepmom's from Texas.
His dad met her at a wet T-shirt contest.
49
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,633
- I feel so much nachos.
- Nachas, Raylene. Nachas.
50
00:04:39,711 --> 00:04:43,545
Isn't she adorable? You can take
the girl out of Dallas, which I did...
51
00:04:44,749 --> 00:04:49,015
Well, Arnie, Raylene,
this is all so, um...
52
00:04:49,087 --> 00:04:50,679
Impressive.
53
00:04:50,755 --> 00:04:52,723
That's the point.
54
00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:55,521
- Benjamin will bar mitzvah this summer.
- Yes.
55
00:04:55,594 --> 00:04:56,822
What are you gonna do?
56
00:04:56,895 --> 00:04:58,829
- Not much...
- We have surprises.
57
00:04:58,897 --> 00:05:00,558
- Really?
- We have surprises.
58
00:05:00,632 --> 00:05:02,725
You'll need 'em.
59
00:05:02,801 --> 00:05:06,066
All right...
is everybody having fun tonight?
60
00:05:07,873 --> 00:05:13,937
OK, crew, get ready,
because DJ Quik is in the hizzy.
61
00:05:17,449 --> 00:05:19,883
Y'all ready to have a good time tonight?
62
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:25,085
We gonna party like we in Compton.
Everybody, sing with us.
63
00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:37,927
Sing it! Go, Zach,
go, Zach, go, Zach.
64
00:06:00,592 --> 00:06:04,494
Give it up
for DJ Quik, everybody!
65
00:06:13,305 --> 00:06:14,363
Here we go.
66
00:06:36,094 --> 00:06:40,895
Now here we have a Versace-themed
confirmation that was held at the Vatican.
67
00:06:40,966 --> 00:06:45,596
And here is a Rastafarian gay marriage
which was held in Encino.
68
00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:51,131
And here... Oh, we had
a Las Vegas-themed faux mitzvah.
69
00:06:51,209 --> 00:06:53,803
We were talking about upscaling our plans.
70
00:06:53,878 --> 00:06:55,743
- A little.
- Lot. Lot.
71
00:06:55,814 --> 00:06:59,375
- We must zero in on a theme.
- Yes.
72
00:06:59,451 --> 00:07:03,251
We can't really do anything
until we zero in.
73
00:07:03,321 --> 00:07:06,347
I'm not here.
I'm invisible.
74
00:07:06,424 --> 00:07:11,088
I'm just the grandmother, and if I happen
to have an opinion, I'll keep it to myself.
75
00:07:11,162 --> 00:07:12,891
Sit, Miss Invisible.
76
00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:16,433
Benji, do you have
any idea how lucky you are?
77
00:07:16,501 --> 00:07:21,768
This will be amazing, but before we do
any of it, we have to pin down our theme.
78
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,331
Do more pinning,
more pinning.
79
00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:28,912
I'm a little shaky
on my themes right now.
80
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:32,074
- We need to make sure...
- We know what we're doing.
81
00:07:32,150 --> 00:07:35,711
That's what we need to make sure of.
It's three months away.
82
00:07:35,787 --> 00:07:39,086
We have no idea what we're doing.
That's a problem right now.
83
00:07:39,157 --> 00:07:40,784
- Oy.
- What?
84
00:07:40,859 --> 00:07:43,919
- I'm not saying anything.
- We have the temple reserved.
85
00:07:43,995 --> 00:07:50,161
Joanne, it doesn't matter what happens
at the temple. It's the party that counts.
86
00:07:50,235 --> 00:07:54,604
Benjamin, does this have something
to do with Zachary's bar mitzvah?
87
00:07:54,672 --> 00:07:58,574
What are you talkin' about?
He had a great time. We all did.
88
00:07:58,643 --> 00:08:02,306
I thought the killer whale
with the yarmulke was...
89
00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:05,713
- Yeah. I thought that was...
- Fantastic.
90
00:08:05,784 --> 00:08:08,810
...a bit too much.
We're not gonna go that far.
91
00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:11,879
They thought that was
the highlight of the party.
92
00:08:11,956 --> 00:08:15,414
It was for me. How did you
get the yarmulke to stay on?
93
00:08:15,493 --> 00:08:17,984
- Velcro.
- Wow.
94
00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:20,156
Shamu is Jewish?
95
00:08:20,231 --> 00:08:23,462
Is it because you don't wanna
compete with his bar mitzvah?
96
00:08:23,535 --> 00:08:25,765
We'll blow the Stein bar mitzvah away.
97
00:08:25,837 --> 00:08:27,964
- Whoo!
- Yeah.
98
00:08:28,039 --> 00:08:31,702
I'm not saying anything,
but I'm thinking something.
99
00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:37,376
Benjamin, we have to know what
we're doing, and we have to know now.
100
00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:42,853
I had no idea what I wanted,
except for everyone to leave me alone,
101
00:08:42,921 --> 00:08:46,288
so I said the first thing
that popped into my head.
102
00:08:46,357 --> 00:08:47,984
- Baseball?
- Baseball!
103
00:08:48,059 --> 00:08:50,027
- That's a hell of a theme.
- Baseball.
104
00:08:50,095 --> 00:08:52,359
Let the games begin.
105
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:57,993
So that's what it is, Rose.
First pass at a guest list - 612.
106
00:08:58,069 --> 00:09:01,596
Oh, my goodness.
That's a lot of money.
107
00:09:01,673 --> 00:09:04,733
These are clients -
studio, network executives.
108
00:09:04,809 --> 00:09:07,369
Who do I leave off?
I don't know where to begin.
109
00:09:07,445 --> 00:09:11,108
Rose, that's what we need
to discuss with you.
110
00:09:11,182 --> 00:09:12,945
Of course, dear.
111
00:09:14,886 --> 00:09:16,649
What are you doing?
112
00:09:16,721 --> 00:09:18,951
I may get hungry for a little nosh later,
113
00:09:19,023 --> 00:09:23,892
and a meal's not a meal unless there are
leftovers. That's what your father said.
114
00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:28,422
She's stealing butter again, OK?
I blame him for all this.
115
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:34,666
Rose, that's what we need to discuss.
We need to know if we should invite Irwin.
116
00:09:34,739 --> 00:09:36,331
Irwin my husband?
117
00:09:37,876 --> 00:09:42,677
- Why do you still call him that?
- Because that's what he is.
118
00:09:42,747 --> 00:09:46,740
- He left you 26 years ago.
- What does that have to do with anything?
119
00:09:46,818 --> 00:09:52,347
- Normal people get a divorce.
- If that would make you happy?
120
00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:54,948
- He abandoned us.
- Oh, please.
121
00:09:58,429 --> 00:10:00,329
I don't hold on to that anger.
122
00:10:00,398 --> 00:10:04,095
- He's a bum.
- Don't you call your father a bum.
123
00:10:04,169 --> 00:10:08,503
- You've called him a bum many times.
- He's my bum, but he's your father.
124
00:10:08,573 --> 00:10:11,007
Rose, we want you to be comfortable.
125
00:10:11,075 --> 00:10:16,479
Would it make you uncomfortable
having Irwin at the bar mitzvah?
126
00:10:18,783 --> 00:10:20,876
I'm just the grandmother.
127
00:10:20,952 --> 00:10:24,115
I let people live their lives.
128
00:10:24,189 --> 00:10:26,817
I don't think it's up to me
to make that decision.
129
00:10:29,994 --> 00:10:34,954
I'm right in the middle of dinner with my
family, so that's why I can't take any...
130
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:38,901
Queen Latifah? Put her through.
Hold on. I gotta take this.
131
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:41,837
What is he doing?
132
00:10:42,507 --> 00:10:45,772
See? Instead of focusing
on the bar mitzvah,
133
00:10:45,843 --> 00:10:49,176
he's focusing
on his shpilkes with Irwin.
134
00:10:54,886 --> 00:10:57,548
And that's when it hit me.
135
00:10:57,622 --> 00:11:01,080
If I invited the grandfather I never met
136
00:11:01,159 --> 00:11:03,684
and got him to come here
two weeks early,
137
00:11:03,761 --> 00:11:06,229
my father would be so freaked out
138
00:11:06,297 --> 00:11:10,893
that he would stop driving me insane
about my bar mitzvah.
139
00:11:10,969 --> 00:11:15,429
So I sent him
an invitation myself.
140
00:11:15,506 --> 00:11:20,273
Let's fill the hills with howling vowels!
141
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:21,676
A...
142
00:11:21,746 --> 00:11:23,179
E...
143
00:11:23,248 --> 00:11:24,442
I...
144
00:11:24,515 --> 00:11:25,777
O...
145
00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:26,942
U
146
00:11:27,018 --> 00:11:29,543
and sometimes Y!
147
00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:31,282
Very good.
148
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:36,020
And that's why learning to read English
is such a pain,
149
00:11:36,094 --> 00:11:40,963
because sometimes a letter has two
different sounds, like "ooh," "oh."
150
00:11:41,032 --> 00:11:43,523
- That's not fair.
- 'Course it's not fair.
151
00:11:43,601 --> 00:11:46,434
What do you expect from the white man?
152
00:11:46,504 --> 00:11:50,031
- But we'll do history tomorrow.
- Let's go. Time for lunch.
153
00:11:50,108 --> 00:11:53,566
- I want pizza.
- I want a cheeseburger.
154
00:11:53,645 --> 00:11:55,840
And French fries and a milkshake.
155
00:11:55,913 --> 00:11:59,405
Brussels sprout
and lima bean sandwiches. Yum!
156
00:11:59,484 --> 00:12:03,079
Oh, boy, your favorite.
157
00:12:04,389 --> 00:12:08,985
Thank you, Mother Earth, for all your
bountiful gifts and for all our relations.
158
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:10,152
Aho.
159
00:12:10,228 --> 00:12:12,458
I keep forgetting to give you this.
160
00:12:12,530 --> 00:12:15,693
Maybe I'll get to meet Rose,
your son and your grandson.
161
00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:19,931
What the hell is this? What are you
opening my mail for, thank you?
162
00:12:20,004 --> 00:12:21,767
I always open your mail.
163
00:12:21,839 --> 00:12:24,603
- Look at this.
- Ooh.
164
00:12:24,676 --> 00:12:27,509
Who has a bar mitzvah
at Dodger Stadium?
165
00:12:27,578 --> 00:12:30,411
Why don't they just throw the money
down the toilet?
166
00:12:30,481 --> 00:12:35,145
- Aren't you glad they invited you?
- Mm, I never liked L.A.
167
00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:57,441
After his bar mitzvah, Zach had to go
to Hebrew school one more time,
168
00:12:57,508 --> 00:12:59,442
basically to kiss butt.
169
00:12:59,510 --> 00:13:01,671
Keep working hard.
170
00:13:01,746 --> 00:13:06,979
In the end, you will find
that it was all... well worth it.
171
00:13:07,051 --> 00:13:11,488
Thank you, Zachary. We'll talk to Zachary
about continuing his Hebrew studies
172
00:13:11,556 --> 00:13:14,218
with confirmation classes.
173
00:13:14,292 --> 00:13:17,591
Ashley, why don't you recite
your Haftorah for the class?
174
00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:23,601
- I'd be happy to, Cantor Nathan. Can I...?
- Yes, you can wear your hat.
175
00:13:26,471 --> 00:13:29,031
What'd you do to your hair?
176
00:13:36,848 --> 00:13:39,408
Man, you're gonna do fine.
177
00:13:39,484 --> 00:13:43,511
Yeah, but you were so cool up there
at your bar mitzvah, Zach.
178
00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:47,388
I'll be dying at mine.
179
00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:53,158
I guess it's time I told you about my trick.
It works every time.
180
00:13:53,231 --> 00:13:59,659
When I get nervous, I stick my hand
in my pocket and squeeze my balls.
181
00:13:59,737 --> 00:14:03,298
- Come on.
- It takes your mind off your nerves.
182
00:14:05,009 --> 00:14:06,271
Amazing.
183
00:14:09,414 --> 00:14:12,281
A month ago,
Ashley didn't have tits.
184
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,443
Now she's got...
185
00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:17,647
They're called
secondary sexual characteristics.
186
00:14:17,722 --> 00:14:21,055
Oh. Shut up, Karen.
Just 'cause your father's a doctor.
187
00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:23,355
An endocrinologist.
188
00:14:23,428 --> 00:14:25,953
Leave her alone, Zach.
189
00:14:27,632 --> 00:14:30,601
I've noticed the two of us
are late developers.
190
00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:35,230
My father was a late developer. The
tendency is inherited from your parents,
191
00:14:35,306 --> 00:14:38,104
so yours must be
late developers, too.
192
00:14:38,743 --> 00:14:41,371
The last club I ever wanted
to be a member of
193
00:14:41,446 --> 00:14:44,574
was Karen Sussman's
Late Developers' Club.
194
00:14:46,651 --> 00:14:47,879
Good morning, Rabbi.
195
00:14:47,952 --> 00:14:52,446
Very good. Students focused and ready.
Questions, anyone?
196
00:14:53,858 --> 00:14:58,761
I'll be on Bill O'Reilly discussing
my new book The Passion of the Jews,
197
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:05,463
which is now available at Barnes and Noble,
Borders Books and online at Amazon, com.
198
00:15:05,536 --> 00:15:07,834
Keep up the good work.
199
00:15:07,905 --> 00:15:10,465
Ashley, continue where you were.
200
00:15:10,541 --> 00:15:13,806
Do you think anyone
gets anything out of a bar mitzvah?
201
00:15:13,878 --> 00:15:17,644
Yeah, like a wad of Israel bonds
that matures when you're dead.
202
00:15:17,715 --> 00:15:21,014
- Not what I mean.
- The whole thing's bogus.
203
00:15:21,085 --> 00:15:23,610
It's not like you're suddenly a man.
204
00:15:23,688 --> 00:15:27,624
You're still not allowed
to smoke or drink or drive a car.
205
00:15:27,692 --> 00:15:33,096
I wasn't getting laid before my bar mitzvah,
and I'm not getting laid now.
206
00:15:33,164 --> 00:15:37,658
That was great, Ashley. Thanks.
Why don't you take a seat? Thanks.
207
00:15:37,735 --> 00:15:40,966
Benjamin, why don't you
come up here next?
208
00:15:41,038 --> 00:15:43,370
- Is your throat still hurting you?
- Ow.
209
00:15:45,676 --> 00:15:49,578
I want you to get comfortable
chanting in front of a congregation.
210
00:15:49,647 --> 00:15:51,478
Can't talk.
211
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:57,317
Next week, on the bimah in the sanctuary,
or I want a note from your parents.
212
00:15:57,388 --> 00:15:59,481
OK?
213
00:15:59,557 --> 00:16:01,457
Yeah, totally.
214
00:16:01,526 --> 00:16:04,461
- Is Ashley coming to your bar mitzvah?
- I don't know.
215
00:16:04,529 --> 00:16:06,463
- Go ask her.
- No.
216
00:16:06,531 --> 00:16:07,520
- No, go...
- No...
217
00:16:07,598 --> 00:16:09,964
- Ask her, will you?
- No...
218
00:16:10,034 --> 00:16:12,195
Ashley.
219
00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:18,903
Hi. Uh, I wanted to invite you to my, uh,
bar mitzvah. It's going to be really different.
220
00:16:18,976 --> 00:16:22,673
- What did you do to your hair?
- Gel. What do you think?
221
00:16:22,747 --> 00:16:25,079
Oh, my ride's here. Bye.
222
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:28,718
- How'd it go?
- Terrible.
223
00:16:34,492 --> 00:16:36,289
- Hey, Adam!
- Hey.
224
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:37,725
Hold up, hold up.
225
00:16:37,795 --> 00:16:41,253
- Here's a funny coincidence.
- I didn't know you were a runner.
226
00:16:41,332 --> 00:16:43,562
- All the time. Love it.
- That's great.
227
00:16:43,634 --> 00:16:46,865
So, I heard you hired
my party planner, huh?
228
00:16:46,938 --> 00:16:48,769
- Casey Nudelman.
- The best.
229
00:16:48,839 --> 00:16:51,137
She's great.
We got some stuff goin'.
230
00:16:51,208 --> 00:16:54,541
You do? So, what? What, specifically?
What kind of ideas?
231
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:57,706
We're in RandD right now.
I can't divulge that information.
232
00:16:57,782 --> 00:17:01,741
RandD. Don't hand me that.
I'm trying to help you.
233
00:17:01,819 --> 00:17:05,585
And you would be a great help.
I'm gonna let you know.
234
00:17:05,656 --> 00:17:08,056
- What do you mean?
- I'll give you a ring.
235
00:17:08,125 --> 00:17:11,993
And I saw you hiding behind the tree.
You haven't run a day in your life.
236
00:17:13,997 --> 00:17:17,899
- You wanna get in close?
- Close on his face.
237
00:17:17,967 --> 00:17:21,164
Hey, morning, buddy.
This is Terrence Smythe.
238
00:17:21,237 --> 00:17:24,172
He's a filmmaker.
We're shooting for the bar mitzvah.
239
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:29,007
He won a bunch of awards. He was gonna
do Beyonc�, but he's doin' us instead.
240
00:17:29,079 --> 00:17:33,038
No, no, just ignore us. Be yourself, kid.
Act natural, act natural.
241
00:17:33,116 --> 00:17:34,811
Like the Real World?
242
00:17:34,884 --> 00:17:38,513
Word. Exactly. Like the Real World.
243
00:17:38,588 --> 00:17:41,056
Can you get rid of the gardener?
244
00:17:41,124 --> 00:17:44,787
No problem. I'll take care of it.
You're doin' great.
245
00:17:44,861 --> 00:17:47,796
Good, good. Stay with him.
Close on the face.
246
00:17:47,864 --> 00:17:49,923
Good, good.
247
00:17:52,769 --> 00:17:54,760
I gotta go to the bathroom.
248
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:59,538
Go, go, go, go.
Go ahead. Go to the bathroom.
249
00:18:01,678 --> 00:18:04,772
Let's go. Go, go, go.
Stay with him.
250
00:18:04,848 --> 00:18:08,614
I have the charity tonight.
We'll do the seating chart tomorrow.
251
00:18:08,685 --> 00:18:11,518
You got it.
Did I tell you about the gift bags?
252
00:18:11,588 --> 00:18:15,649
Everyone gets major-league uniforms
with their names on it.
253
00:18:15,725 --> 00:18:19,957
What do you think? Is that cool?
Shawn Green can't make it,
254
00:18:20,029 --> 00:18:23,829
but he'll put something on tape.
We'll put it on the JumboTron.
255
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:28,269
And I pulled a few favors. Neil Diamond
is gonna sing the national anthem.
256
00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:41,149
What a fancy neighborhood.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
257
00:18:41,217 --> 00:18:45,347
- He might have a guard dog or something.
- Irwin.
258
00:18:48,858 --> 00:18:49,882
Hello?
259
00:18:50,627 --> 00:18:53,391
Hello, this is Irwin Fiedler.
260
00:18:54,697 --> 00:18:56,028
Hi.
261
00:18:56,099 --> 00:18:59,125
- Hello, Joanne?
- Yes.
262
00:18:59,202 --> 00:19:02,763
- So how is the family?
- Fine.
263
00:19:02,839 --> 00:19:05,831
Well, enough small talk,
I'm in Los Angeles.
264
00:19:05,909 --> 00:19:09,777
- Yeah, let me give you to Adam.
- No, no, no, no.
265
00:19:09,846 --> 00:19:11,905
- What happened?
- I hung up.
266
00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:14,643
Hello?
267
00:19:14,717 --> 00:19:17,083
- Who was it?
- It was your father.
268
00:19:23,092 --> 00:19:24,525
Hello.
269
00:19:28,665 --> 00:19:29,825
Was that them?
270
00:19:29,899 --> 00:19:32,493
Did you invite him
when I asked you not to?
271
00:19:32,569 --> 00:19:35,003
- I don't know. Maybe.
- What does that mean?
272
00:19:35,071 --> 00:19:38,529
I might have sent them
an invitation by mistake.
273
00:19:38,608 --> 00:19:42,476
I'll tell you something.
I'm glad they're here for the bar mitzvah,
274
00:19:42,545 --> 00:19:46,777
because he's Benjamin's grandfather. Hi!
275
00:19:46,850 --> 00:19:50,149
That was pleasant.
You wanna push us down the steps?
276
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:53,747
- What are you doin' here?
- You invited us to the bar mitzvah.
277
00:19:53,823 --> 00:19:56,656
We did?
278
00:19:57,327 --> 00:19:59,761
It's not for two weeks.
279
00:19:59,829 --> 00:20:05,495
The invitation said tomorrow. Look at this
here. Here's the invitation. It said tomorrow.
280
00:20:05,568 --> 00:20:07,092
You're losing it, old man.
281
00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:12,608
Who are you calling an alter kocker,
you little pisher? What is this here?
282
00:20:12,675 --> 00:20:14,472
Please. Let's not shoot this.
283
00:20:14,544 --> 00:20:16,910
What's up?
You said you wanted the real.
284
00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:19,676
This has nothing
to do with the bar mitzvah.
285
00:20:19,749 --> 00:20:25,244
- Get tight on the blonde.
- Is this Queer Eye for the Straight Goy?
286
00:20:25,321 --> 00:20:31,282
Cut out the unfunny stuff. That's unusable.
Get some cutaway stuff in the backyard.
287
00:20:31,361 --> 00:20:33,556
Thanks.
This is not gonna be in the...
288
00:20:33,630 --> 00:20:37,191
Listen, let's try again.
This is Sacred Feather.
289
00:20:37,267 --> 00:20:41,465
- This is angry humorless son.
- Ah, another great joke.
290
00:20:41,537 --> 00:20:43,835
And his wonderful family.
291
00:20:43,907 --> 00:20:46,603
- Hi, I'm Joanne. Sacred Feather?
- Yes.
292
00:20:46,676 --> 00:20:49,645
- Come on in, guys.
- Oh, thank you.
293
00:20:49,712 --> 00:20:52,704
Oh! Oh, uh...
294
00:20:52,782 --> 00:20:54,443
Offering. Sage.
295
00:20:56,619 --> 00:20:59,019
Hi, Irwin.
Good to see you.
296
00:20:59,088 --> 00:21:04,219
And it's you, Benjamin. Wave that around
a little. It'll bring positive energy.
297
00:21:04,294 --> 00:21:07,923
Sniff it, don't smoke it.
Hey, Benjamin.
298
00:21:14,404 --> 00:21:20,001
So, Sacred Feather is a beautiful name.
Where does that come from?
299
00:21:20,076 --> 00:21:22,636
Sandy Frost, actually.
300
00:21:22,712 --> 00:21:25,806
I've taught on the reservation
on and off for years,
301
00:21:25,882 --> 00:21:30,216
and Irwin likes to call me
by my adopted tribal name.
302
00:21:31,154 --> 00:21:34,021
She got me the teaching job
on the reservation.
303
00:21:34,090 --> 00:21:37,582
She's fascinated with all cultures.
304
00:21:37,660 --> 00:21:39,423
Here, honey,
it's not working.
305
00:21:39,495 --> 00:21:44,296
I've spent time with the Oguz in Turkey
and with the Koryak in Siberia.
306
00:21:44,367 --> 00:21:46,995
And now the Fiedlers of Brentwood.
307
00:21:50,273 --> 00:21:54,539
- May I use your restroom?
- Sure. I'll show you. Come on.
308
00:21:54,610 --> 00:21:56,168
Thank you.
309
00:21:59,515 --> 00:22:02,643
Red hair.
Who would have thought?
310
00:22:02,719 --> 00:22:06,450
I certainly remember you.
Do you remember me?
311
00:22:06,522 --> 00:22:09,047
From the Bris?
He was 11 seconds old.
312
00:22:09,125 --> 00:22:12,561
- Is that my fault?
- Whose fault is it?
313
00:22:12,628 --> 00:22:16,189
I don't recall receiving
that many invitations to visit.
314
00:22:16,265 --> 00:22:17,630
That's right.
315
00:22:17,700 --> 00:22:20,396
It's not as if you return my phone calls.
316
00:22:20,470 --> 00:22:25,908
Oh, gosh, that Sacred...
Sandy seems like such a lovely girl.
317
00:22:25,975 --> 00:22:27,909
Oh, yes, she's very lovely.
318
00:22:27,977 --> 00:22:31,572
Even more important,
she can drive at night.
319
00:22:32,815 --> 00:22:35,443
Tell me, are you still
writing your stories?
320
00:22:35,518 --> 00:22:39,887
Oh, no, no. I stopped writing
a while ago after I had a child.
321
00:22:39,956 --> 00:22:42,083
I just didn't seem to have the time.
322
00:22:42,158 --> 00:22:44,456
- Hey. How you doin'?
- Good.
323
00:22:44,527 --> 00:22:48,554
You're a real pretty girl.
What are you doin' with that old dude?
324
00:22:48,631 --> 00:22:52,032
Oh, he's great.
I'm not ageist.
325
00:22:52,101 --> 00:22:54,797
- I'm a vegan.
- Hey, me too.
326
00:22:54,871 --> 00:22:59,570
Yeah, I could tell,
'cause your eyes are really clear.
327
00:23:01,144 --> 00:23:04,045
- Is someone always filming your life?
- Ohh.
328
00:23:04,113 --> 00:23:08,743
It's for our bar-mitzvah video
for the people that are in our life.
329
00:23:08,818 --> 00:23:14,757
Do you hear that tone of voice?
Listen, if you want me to leave, I'm leaving.
330
00:23:14,824 --> 00:23:19,591
- That'd be fantastic.
- What? No. No.
331
00:23:19,662 --> 00:23:24,622
We have a guest bedroom downstairs
that you are welcome to use.
332
00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:27,191
That's where my mother stays, so...
333
00:23:27,270 --> 00:23:32,367
She has her own room upstairs.
Rose is in Palm Springs.
334
00:23:32,442 --> 00:23:35,775
- She lives with you guys?
- She does live with us, yeah.
335
00:23:35,845 --> 00:23:41,112
She's visiting a friend in the desert, so feel
free to have the guest bedroom downstairs.
336
00:23:42,218 --> 00:23:46,746
I don't think that'll be necessary if I can
just bring my camper in the driveway
337
00:23:46,823 --> 00:23:49,656
and have bathroom access.
338
00:23:49,725 --> 00:23:52,853
My house is now a trailer park
with bathroom access.
339
00:23:52,929 --> 00:23:55,557
You know what?
Enjoy the pool, the Jacuzzi.
340
00:23:55,631 --> 00:23:58,156
We'll just feel our way through this.
341
00:23:58,234 --> 00:24:00,168
- OK, Irwin.
- Thanks.
342
00:24:00,236 --> 00:24:01,999
Let me show you the kitchen.
343
00:24:06,075 --> 00:24:09,010
Come on,
give Grandpa a big hug.
344
00:24:12,715 --> 00:24:15,013
Maybe tomorrow.
345
00:24:18,154 --> 00:24:22,557
We'd like to call up grandparents
Marvin and Millie to light a candle.
346
00:24:22,625 --> 00:24:24,752
All right!
347
00:24:32,502 --> 00:24:35,164
You OK?
348
00:24:35,238 --> 00:24:37,798
Yeah.
349
00:24:37,874 --> 00:24:40,968
I haven't watched this in 20 years.
350
00:24:41,043 --> 00:24:44,308
Oh, it's your bar mitzvah.
351
00:24:44,380 --> 00:24:47,872
My cousin Bobby's.
Leonard's of Great Neck.
352
00:24:47,950 --> 00:24:52,250
The full Viennese table.
353
00:24:56,759 --> 00:25:00,559
This one's mine.
That's Uncle Hyman on the banjo.
354
00:25:00,630 --> 00:25:03,656
He's technically deaf.
355
00:25:05,334 --> 00:25:09,464
Worst time of my life. Look at me.
Couldn't be more miserable.
356
00:25:09,539 --> 00:25:14,408
- Why haven't I ever seen this before?
- Complete and utter shame.
357
00:25:14,477 --> 00:25:20,211
- Well, the food looks delicious.
- Irwin got a deal with the butcher.
358
00:25:20,283 --> 00:25:24,276
Can you imagine how humiliating it was
to hand out these?
359
00:25:26,822 --> 00:25:28,881
"Phil's Kosher Butcher.
360
00:25:28,958 --> 00:25:32,724
'You can beat our prices,
but you can't beat our meat."'
361
00:25:34,330 --> 00:25:38,357
Come on. See, now, I was 13 years old.
I was devastated.
362
00:25:38,434 --> 00:25:41,494
OK, you have to admit,
it's a little funny now.
363
00:25:41,571 --> 00:25:42,595
Maybe to you.
364
00:25:42,672 --> 00:25:46,938
And now we raise up the father
and son, bonding together in manhood.
365
00:25:47,009 --> 00:25:48,943
Come on, get in the chair.
366
00:25:49,011 --> 00:25:51,502
Come on, Adam.
Get in the chair.
367
00:25:51,581 --> 00:25:55,176
Come up here with me.
Come on, Adam. Come up here.
368
00:25:55,251 --> 00:25:59,210
Oh, you won't even let them
lift you up in the chair. Oh, my...
369
00:25:59,288 --> 00:26:01,347
Rose, go get him!
370
00:26:01,424 --> 00:26:04,791
We only have the room
for another half an hour.
371
00:26:04,860 --> 00:26:08,296
Oh, honey.
372
00:26:08,364 --> 00:26:12,357
This bar mitzvah is gonna be
completely different.
373
00:26:12,435 --> 00:26:14,995
Benjamin is so lucky.
374
00:26:15,071 --> 00:26:18,404
He has a dad who only wants
to give him the best.
375
00:26:24,947 --> 00:26:27,882
- No parents till 9:00?
- Yeah.
376
00:26:27,950 --> 00:26:33,388
This is totally foolproof, man. You pour
a real little bit from each open bottle.
377
00:26:33,456 --> 00:26:36,118
Even my dad's eagle eye detects nothing.
378
00:26:36,192 --> 00:26:40,526
- I can't believe we're doing this.
- It's about becomin' a man, my man.
379
00:26:56,545 --> 00:26:58,638
Whoo!
380
00:27:00,316 --> 00:27:02,944
I can't believe
our parents drink this stuff.
381
00:27:03,019 --> 00:27:06,682
They're always smiling and laughing.
I mean, it's disgusting.
382
00:27:06,756 --> 00:27:10,522
- Maybe it tastes better if we mixed it right.
- Is it hot in here?
383
00:27:10,593 --> 00:27:15,121
Man, that stuff got a pop to it.
I just got a major rush.
384
00:27:17,667 --> 00:27:20,864
Look out!
Here I come, ready or not!
385
00:27:20,936 --> 00:27:22,870
Wahoo!
386
00:27:22,938 --> 00:27:24,337
Landed on my hoohaw.
387
00:27:24,407 --> 00:27:28,810
Maybe I'm just drunk, but you got
two naked people in your pool.
388
00:27:28,878 --> 00:27:30,505
That dude is way old.
389
00:27:33,549 --> 00:27:37,178
That's my grandfather!
390
00:27:38,587 --> 00:27:41,681
- Well, your grandma's a hottie.
- Oh, yeah.
391
00:27:46,262 --> 00:27:49,129
My parents are home.
My parents are home, you guys!
392
00:27:49,198 --> 00:27:52,827
- You said they wouldn't be home till 9:00.
- They're home now.
393
00:27:52,902 --> 00:27:55,666
God, my dad's gonna crap.
My dad's gonna kill us.
394
00:27:55,738 --> 00:27:58,400
My dad's gonna crap.
My dad's gonna kill us.
395
00:27:58,474 --> 00:28:00,499
Is he gonna crap or gonna kill us?
396
00:28:00,576 --> 00:28:03,044
First he's gonna crap,
then he gonna kill us!
397
00:28:03,112 --> 00:28:05,307
God, I don't wanna die.
398
00:28:06,048 --> 00:28:08,039
...nauseous.
- Please.
399
00:28:08,117 --> 00:28:11,678
- The guy's such a pompous ass.
- He's a top-earning client.
400
00:28:11,754 --> 00:28:14,621
You have no problem
putting up with my crazy father,
401
00:28:14,690 --> 00:28:17,352
but you walk out on the guy
that pays our mortgage.
402
00:28:17,426 --> 00:28:19,155
I'd rather move to the valley.
403
00:28:21,230 --> 00:28:24,461
What are these the tops for?
404
00:28:25,234 --> 00:28:26,895
Get a napkin.
405
00:28:26,969 --> 00:28:29,699
Speaking of Irwin,
my parents are gone.
406
00:28:29,772 --> 00:28:32,741
So let Benji have a grandfather
for a couple of weeks.
407
00:28:32,808 --> 00:28:37,836
That's what a bar mitzvah is all about -
families sharing, generations connecting,
408
00:28:37,913 --> 00:28:40,040
traditions passed down.
409
00:28:41,684 --> 00:28:43,743
Hi, guys.
410
00:28:43,819 --> 00:28:45,878
Hey, what's goin' on, Timmy?
411
00:28:45,955 --> 00:28:47,081
How you doin', man?
412
00:28:47,156 --> 00:28:49,386
All right. Zach.
413
00:28:49,458 --> 00:28:50,925
Ben.
414
00:28:53,062 --> 00:28:54,427
Bless you.
415
00:28:54,497 --> 00:28:56,761
What are you guys up to?
416
00:28:56,832 --> 00:28:58,891
Nothing.
417
00:29:00,102 --> 00:29:02,662
You guys gettin' into some trouble.
418
00:29:06,976 --> 00:29:08,841
Well, gotta go.
419
00:29:08,911 --> 00:29:11,812
Yeah, gotta go. Shalom.
420
00:29:13,015 --> 00:29:14,880
Shalom.
421
00:29:17,186 --> 00:29:19,245
Ha-ha!
422
00:29:20,356 --> 00:29:22,847
Sacred Wet Feather.
423
00:29:22,925 --> 00:29:24,085
Uh...
424
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:28,620
I gotta go... study,
so, see ya.
425
00:29:28,697 --> 00:29:32,929
Are you kidding me? Let Benji have
a grandfather for a couple of weeks
426
00:29:33,002 --> 00:29:37,268
so he can watch him having weird, naked,
hippie sex out in the Jacuzzi, huh?
427
00:29:37,339 --> 00:29:41,708
Look at that. Thanks, Joanne.
Thank you for that. Thanks.
428
00:29:43,579 --> 00:29:46,207
Don't. That tickles.
429
00:29:46,982 --> 00:29:50,247
Hello. There are children in the house.
430
00:29:50,319 --> 00:29:52,685
- That's my gallbladder.
- Excuse me.
431
00:29:54,323 --> 00:29:55,688
Hi.
432
00:29:55,758 --> 00:29:57,487
You're home early,
Mr. Big Shot.
433
00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:00,256
Yeah, Benjamin is very upset,
just so you know.
434
00:30:00,329 --> 00:30:02,991
The kids saw that.
They left.
435
00:30:03,065 --> 00:30:06,523
He's up in his room.
He's completely distraught. And he... Oh.
436
00:30:06,602 --> 00:30:10,265
I don't want to upset Benjamin.
437
00:30:10,339 --> 00:30:14,105
- He went up to his room.
- I'm gonna go and apologize to him...
438
00:30:14,176 --> 00:30:16,701
No, please, you've done
enough harm as it is.
439
00:30:16,779 --> 00:30:19,839
No, no, I have to
apologize to Benjamin.
440
00:30:19,915 --> 00:30:23,612
I didn't know his friends were over.
Joanne, I apologize to you.
441
00:30:23,686 --> 00:30:25,176
You wrap up your ass?
442
00:30:25,254 --> 00:30:26,312
Hi, Joanne.
443
00:30:26,388 --> 00:30:28,447
- Hi.
- Hi.
444
00:30:28,524 --> 00:30:31,550
Your pool is so awesome.
445
00:30:31,627 --> 00:30:33,288
Oh...
446
00:30:33,362 --> 00:30:34,624
Thank you. Hi.
447
00:30:34,697 --> 00:30:36,961
We just, um,
we retiled it, so...
448
00:30:37,032 --> 00:30:39,125
- It's beautiful.
- Thank you.
449
00:30:39,735 --> 00:30:43,330
Hey, you guys should really
consider ozone,
450
00:30:43,405 --> 00:30:45,839
'cause this chlorine is so toxic.
451
00:30:45,908 --> 00:30:49,639
Oh, yeah. I like it...
I like it really... I like it clean.
452
00:30:49,712 --> 00:30:51,441
Oh.
453
00:30:53,749 --> 00:30:57,207
- Do you need a towel?
- I'll get it.
454
00:31:06,829 --> 00:31:09,195
Come in.
455
00:31:10,165 --> 00:31:16,263
Benjamin, I'm sorry
if I embarrassed you and your friends.
456
00:31:16,338 --> 00:31:19,535
What are you doin' there,
Benjamin?
457
00:31:19,608 --> 00:31:22,475
It would be better if it was this way.
458
00:31:22,545 --> 00:31:26,242
This is a much better
interpretation of the Haftorah.
459
00:31:26,315 --> 00:31:28,408
Now let me... Aah.
460
00:31:28,484 --> 00:31:30,452
What is this thing?
461
00:31:30,519 --> 00:31:34,455
Um, video game.
462
00:31:34,523 --> 00:31:38,220
- A video game for fishing?
- Mm-hmm.
463
00:31:38,294 --> 00:31:43,061
Why would you video-fish
if you could go fishing for real?
464
00:31:47,570 --> 00:31:52,007
You know, fishing is a wonderful thing,
you know that, Benjamin?
465
00:31:52,074 --> 00:31:57,307
All the kids at the reservation tell me
they figure things out when they go fishing.
466
00:31:57,379 --> 00:32:00,871
The difference is -
Fulton Fish Market fish and fish you catch -
467
00:32:00,950 --> 00:32:03,748
is you gotta gut the fish you catch.
468
00:32:03,819 --> 00:32:08,756
You gotta rip the guts outta the fish,
and it comes pouring out. Yecch.
469
00:32:08,824 --> 00:32:13,818
And, yeah, it makes you a little queasy.
Would you like some fish now?
470
00:32:14,463 --> 00:32:16,488
Drunk or stoned?
471
00:32:17,967 --> 00:32:21,528
Breathe. Come on, breathe.
472
00:32:22,438 --> 00:32:24,429
Breathe.
473
00:32:24,506 --> 00:32:25,996
Aha.
474
00:32:26,075 --> 00:32:28,737
Yeah, that's gin,
that's Scotch.
475
00:32:28,811 --> 00:32:30,745
Please don't tell my parents.
476
00:32:30,813 --> 00:32:33,748
You gotta try things,
Benjamin... once.
477
00:32:33,816 --> 00:32:37,946
Once, a philosopher.
Twice, I tell.
478
00:32:38,787 --> 00:32:40,618
Why do you keep on shpinning?
479
00:32:40,689 --> 00:32:43,419
Shpinning?
I'm shpinning?
480
00:32:43,492 --> 00:32:46,984
Well, sometimes there's shpinning
and there's shpitting.
481
00:32:47,062 --> 00:32:48,996
Wait. Here you go.
482
00:32:49,064 --> 00:32:51,362
And... Oh!
483
00:32:51,433 --> 00:32:54,834
Slam dunk,
right in the bucket. There you go.
484
00:32:55,437 --> 00:32:59,271
Niagara Falls in color.
That's always good.
485
00:32:59,341 --> 00:33:01,366
What is this?
Go ahead.
486
00:33:01,443 --> 00:33:07,313
This is good. It prepares you for college.
This is part of the ritual of growing up.
487
00:33:08,417 --> 00:33:10,385
There you go.
488
00:33:10,452 --> 00:33:14,013
You're thin, you're pale,
you could be a supermodel.
489
00:33:14,089 --> 00:33:17,024
OK. You just lay there
and try to burp.
490
00:33:17,092 --> 00:33:19,686
I'm gonna take care
of the shpitting, OK?
491
00:33:22,731 --> 00:33:26,360
Benji, I wanted to see if you guys were OK.
Where's Irwin?
492
00:33:26,435 --> 00:33:29,427
Benjamin ate some bad tuna fish.
493
00:33:29,505 --> 00:33:31,837
When did he have tuna fish?
494
00:33:31,907 --> 00:33:35,308
I don't know.
They buy things off carts these days.
495
00:33:35,377 --> 00:33:37,709
Ohh.
496
00:33:37,780 --> 00:33:39,873
I smell alcohol.
497
00:33:39,948 --> 00:33:42,143
Yes, yes, it was me.
498
00:33:42,217 --> 00:33:47,416
You know, a little schnapps, then the
Jacuzzi. We come out like a wet noodle.
499
00:33:47,489 --> 00:33:50,117
Yes. Yeah.
500
00:33:51,427 --> 00:33:52,519
No fever.
501
00:33:52,594 --> 00:33:55,495
He's fine.
He's a fine young man.
502
00:33:55,564 --> 00:33:59,022
I have a little problem.
Could I ask you a question?
503
00:33:59,101 --> 00:34:04,198
You won't tell Adam. You know how he
gets so upset. Don't tell him I had a drink.
504
00:34:04,273 --> 00:34:07,071
- Bad enough he saw me...
- He needs a drink.
505
00:34:08,444 --> 00:34:13,472
- What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him.
- He gets intense, Adam.
506
00:34:15,585 --> 00:34:20,522
Try a two-handed backhand.
Same grip, and then low to high.
507
00:34:20,590 --> 00:34:22,615
- End up right there at the net.
- Ah.
508
00:34:22,692 --> 00:34:25,559
- Remember to drop your shoulder.
- Drop. Low to high.
509
00:34:25,628 --> 00:34:28,859
Let's see what you got.
You ready?
510
00:34:30,833 --> 00:34:35,202
The first Jewish U.S. Open champion.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
511
00:34:35,271 --> 00:34:36,795
You're in trouble now...
512
00:34:36,872 --> 00:34:40,000
I want nothing more than for you
to kick my butt in tennis.
513
00:34:40,076 --> 00:34:43,603
It was hard for me. I didn't have anyone
showing me how to do this.
514
00:34:43,679 --> 00:34:45,476
I know, Dad.
515
00:34:45,548 --> 00:34:49,416
I will always be there for you -
always. All right?
516
00:34:49,485 --> 00:34:55,890
I just want you to have the biggest
bar mitzvah in the history of bar mitzvahs.
517
00:34:57,226 --> 00:34:59,694
There she is.
518
00:34:59,762 --> 00:35:01,753
Ta-da!
519
00:35:01,831 --> 00:35:04,595
A technicolor grandma.
520
00:35:04,667 --> 00:35:06,464
You clean up well.
521
00:35:06,535 --> 00:35:08,730
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetheart.
522
00:35:08,804 --> 00:35:10,863
Oh, my.
523
00:35:10,940 --> 00:35:13,067
- Hi, Grandma.
- Hi, sweetheart.
524
00:35:13,142 --> 00:35:16,043
You're a boy, you're a man,
you're a boy, you're a man.
525
00:35:16,112 --> 00:35:20,071
I'm so confused,
but not unhappy.
526
00:35:23,386 --> 00:35:27,117
Irwin.
Oh, my goodness.
527
00:35:29,325 --> 00:35:32,658
Is that you, Irwin,
under all that oldness?
528
00:35:33,562 --> 00:35:37,965
It's me, Rose,
withered but wiser.
529
00:35:38,034 --> 00:35:43,267
But, boy, you just,
you know, you look terrific.
530
00:35:43,339 --> 00:35:46,240
Thank you.
531
00:35:46,308 --> 00:35:51,837
What is the proper mode of greeting
in such a situation?
532
00:35:51,914 --> 00:35:54,178
Is it, uh...
533
00:35:54,250 --> 00:35:57,481
Is it too much to ask for a hug?
534
00:35:59,755 --> 00:36:00,847
No.
535
00:36:08,364 --> 00:36:10,696
- Hello.
- Hi.
536
00:36:10,766 --> 00:36:12,996
- I'm Rose Fiedler.
- Hi, Rose.
537
00:36:13,069 --> 00:36:17,665
And you must be that young, beautiful,
far-too-good-for-him girlfriend.
538
00:36:17,740 --> 00:36:20,868
- Sandy Frost. It's nice to meet you.
- Let's go inside.
539
00:36:20,943 --> 00:36:22,103
OK.
540
00:36:22,178 --> 00:36:23,805
- Here, let me help...
- No.
541
00:36:23,879 --> 00:36:26,177
No, no, no...
542
00:36:26,248 --> 00:36:28,341
Oh, boy.
543
00:36:28,417 --> 00:36:32,444
This is a meal,
and it sure beats eating in a trailer.
544
00:36:32,521 --> 00:36:34,989
You eat in that thing?
545
00:36:35,057 --> 00:36:41,428
O Great Spirit, we want to walk in beauty
in this beautiful house of dawn.
546
00:36:41,497 --> 00:36:46,332
I am praying in a humble way. We walk
on this Mother Earth in this sacred way.
547
00:36:46,402 --> 00:36:49,860
We hope to follow you, Mother Medicine.
Bless us.
548
00:36:49,939 --> 00:36:50,871
Aho.
549
00:36:50,940 --> 00:36:52,032
Aho.
550
00:36:52,108 --> 00:36:53,507
Uh-ho?
551
00:36:53,576 --> 00:36:58,479
Aho is Navajo. "Uh-oh" is the Cleveland
Indians. "Bless the food" in Navajo.
552
00:36:58,547 --> 00:37:03,484
Actually Navajo is a Spanish word for
"savage." "Dineh" is what they prefer.
553
00:37:03,552 --> 00:37:07,921
But I throw in a little pagan and Zen,
'cause I believe in the pan-deity concept.
554
00:37:07,990 --> 00:37:09,958
I think that's marvelous.
555
00:37:12,428 --> 00:37:15,920
Sandy, I'm sorry.
Can I make you some eggs?
556
00:37:15,998 --> 00:37:20,833
No, thank you. I don't eat any unborn
fetuses. This is perfect. Thanks.
557
00:37:20,903 --> 00:37:24,930
No offense, Joanne,
but she's a vegan.
558
00:37:25,007 --> 00:37:26,634
Oh.
559
00:37:26,709 --> 00:37:30,736
Rose, tell me, how long have you
been livin' with the kids here?
560
00:37:30,813 --> 00:37:35,011
This isn't my permanent home.
I'm looking for a place for myself.
561
00:37:35,084 --> 00:37:38,781
- How long are you looking?
- Nine years.
562
00:37:43,159 --> 00:37:48,096
You know, Rose, I don't recall
your brisket being this tender.
563
00:37:49,365 --> 00:37:53,927
We didn't exactly have the money
for the good cuts, Irwin, remember?
564
00:37:54,003 --> 00:37:57,700
So, were you guys sort of poor?
565
00:37:57,773 --> 00:38:03,803
I don't know poor. I was a salesman my
whole life, but I wasn't very good at it.
566
00:38:03,879 --> 00:38:06,211
I was not a breadwinner.
567
00:38:06,282 --> 00:38:08,773
I was a bread loser.
Ba-dum boom.
568
00:38:10,853 --> 00:38:13,754
You could always make me laugh, Irwin.
569
00:38:14,590 --> 00:38:19,618
And you me, Rose.
We had a lot of laughs together.
570
00:38:23,766 --> 00:38:28,931
- What's wrong?
- It's like they're having a party out there.
571
00:38:29,004 --> 00:38:33,566
- You want them to hate each other?
- Better yet, she should hate him.
572
00:38:33,642 --> 00:38:34,973
That's mature.
573
00:38:35,044 --> 00:38:40,175
Irwin is having such a wonderful time.
Have you noticed their connection?
574
00:38:41,116 --> 00:38:42,606
Who are the connectees?
575
00:38:42,685 --> 00:38:46,644
Rose and Irwin.
They have such a powerful connection.
576
00:38:46,722 --> 00:38:48,212
Oh.
577
00:38:48,290 --> 00:38:51,191
How's that make you feel?
578
00:38:53,128 --> 00:38:56,291
Profoundly moved.
579
00:38:58,601 --> 00:39:01,968
- Strudel.
- Oh. Let me help you.
580
00:39:02,037 --> 00:39:05,370
Irwin's happy to take Benjamin
to Hebrew school tomorrow.
581
00:39:05,441 --> 00:39:08,001
Fine by me.
582
00:39:08,077 --> 00:39:10,341
Mr. Suddenly Helpful.
583
00:39:15,751 --> 00:39:19,118
My plan wasn't really working.
584
00:39:22,057 --> 00:39:25,026
Irwin definitely freaked my dad out...
585
00:39:25,094 --> 00:39:27,585
How's the seating chart coming?
586
00:39:27,663 --> 00:39:30,257
...but he was still bar mitzvah crazy.
587
00:39:30,332 --> 00:39:32,994
Come here.
Check this out. Look.
588
00:39:33,068 --> 00:39:34,968
- OK.
- Look.
589
00:39:35,037 --> 00:39:39,030
- Why is my aunt Rita in Siberia?
- She's just not near the dance floor.
590
00:39:39,108 --> 00:39:44,045
No, it's Siberia. She's gonna need
a dog sled and a parka. There you go.
591
00:39:44,113 --> 00:39:47,913
You can't put her next to your aunt Gladys.
They don't talk, right?
592
00:39:47,983 --> 00:39:50,747
Put her at one of the other "A" tables.
593
00:39:50,819 --> 00:39:55,256
Who was the genius who came up with
"some tables are 'A,' some tables are 'B"'?
594
00:39:55,324 --> 00:39:58,020
Just the way it is.
"A" teamers and "B" teamers.
595
00:39:58,093 --> 00:40:02,052
Good. I'm just gonna have to take some
of your clients from the "A" teamers
596
00:40:02,131 --> 00:40:04,361
and put 'em with the "B" teamers.
597
00:40:04,433 --> 00:40:08,563
What? You'll put Catherine Zeta-Jones
by the bathroom?
598
00:40:08,637 --> 00:40:10,070
Not good for anyone.
599
00:40:10,139 --> 00:40:12,869
It doesn't help, by the way,
that my father is here
600
00:40:12,942 --> 00:40:17,811
being weird and getting naked
with his ponytail.
601
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,542
I think Irwin's trying.
602
00:40:21,150 --> 00:40:23,243
Tell me about Hebrew school.
603
00:40:23,319 --> 00:40:26,220
Aw, come on.
Nobody likes Hebrew school.
604
00:40:26,288 --> 00:40:32,193
Oh, I'm sure you must like something.
Your rabbi, the cantor, your Haftorah.
605
00:40:32,261 --> 00:40:34,024
- All right.
- Tell me about it.
606
00:40:34,096 --> 00:40:38,692
Here's the thing. You see the rabbi
for about ten seconds each class,
607
00:40:38,767 --> 00:40:42,134
and the divorced moms
are always flirting with the cantor,
608
00:40:42,204 --> 00:40:44,798
and I don't understand
a word of my Haftorah.
609
00:40:44,873 --> 00:40:46,807
We'll work on that. Listen.
610
00:40:46,875 --> 00:40:49,810
What's your favorite thing
about being Jewish?
611
00:40:49,878 --> 00:40:53,473
I don't know.
Bagels and lox?
612
00:40:53,549 --> 00:40:56,177
Not a terrible answer,
613
00:40:56,251 --> 00:41:00,244
but maybe
there should be a little more.
614
00:41:10,499 --> 00:41:14,026
- What's so funny?
- This guy is goin' at it.
615
00:41:14,103 --> 00:41:17,937
Oh.
616
00:41:18,007 --> 00:41:20,100
Hello, Mr. Nose Picker!
617
00:41:20,175 --> 00:41:23,474
You think it's pleasant enjoying the day...
618
00:41:23,545 --> 00:41:27,675
Suddenly we have to watch you
digging for gold.
619
00:41:27,750 --> 00:41:31,516
Ha. Bye, Mr. Nose Picker.
620
00:41:31,587 --> 00:41:35,045
- Do you do that a lot back home?
- When necessary.
621
00:41:35,124 --> 00:41:40,426
Just so you know, we're in Los Angeles,
and drive-by shootings were invented here.
622
00:41:41,430 --> 00:41:47,062
Well, nose pickers are rarely violent,
and if they are, I have my cane.
623
00:41:47,136 --> 00:41:48,467
Great.
624
00:41:55,044 --> 00:41:59,572
What are you doing?
You're just supposed to drop me off.
625
00:42:00,416 --> 00:42:04,045
I couldn't get rid of Irwin,
and I couldn't get out of rehearsing.
626
00:42:04,119 --> 00:42:07,520
Your grandfather's tall.
There's still hope for you.
627
00:42:07,589 --> 00:42:11,116
Everyone, please find a seat.
Why don't you, uh...?
628
00:42:11,193 --> 00:42:13,957
I'll stay back here.
629
00:42:14,029 --> 00:42:16,327
OK, Evan, start us off.
630
00:42:16,398 --> 00:42:19,060
Hurry.
631
00:42:19,134 --> 00:42:20,692
Scoot over.
632
00:42:20,769 --> 00:42:23,897
Girls, please find a seat.
633
00:42:36,652 --> 00:42:39,519
You know, Ashley... Ashley.
634
00:42:42,624 --> 00:42:44,387
I've been meaning to ask you.
635
00:42:44,460 --> 00:42:49,159
I know the mail isn't so dependable.
We're having the party at Dodger Stadium.
636
00:42:49,231 --> 00:42:53,258
We're gonna get to run the bases.
Famous baseball players will be there...
637
00:42:53,335 --> 00:42:56,429
Benjamin.
638
00:42:56,505 --> 00:42:58,234
Let's go.
It's your turn.
639
00:43:07,015 --> 00:43:08,915
It's fine.
640
00:43:09,985 --> 00:43:11,316
From the top.
641
00:43:42,818 --> 00:43:45,844
Continue.
It's right here.
642
00:43:45,921 --> 00:43:48,481
- Um...
- Come on.
643
00:44:08,877 --> 00:44:11,971
That's enough.
You still have a week and a half.
644
00:44:12,047 --> 00:44:16,711
You know what? Let's call it a day.
You guys, class dismissed.
645
00:44:22,791 --> 00:44:26,022
Benjamin, I'd love to come
to your bar mitzvah.
646
00:44:26,094 --> 00:44:28,460
Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner.
647
00:44:28,530 --> 00:44:29,929
Ashley!
648
00:44:29,998 --> 00:44:33,024
I gotta go, but put me down
as a totally definite yes.
649
00:44:33,101 --> 00:44:34,898
Bye.
650
00:44:38,974 --> 00:44:43,502
- Bye, girls. Bye, Irwin.
- Bye, Ashley.
651
00:44:46,682 --> 00:44:50,083
- What did you say to her?
- Who?
652
00:44:50,152 --> 00:44:53,383
Oh, Ashley.
I said, "Bye, Ashley."
653
00:44:53,455 --> 00:44:54,752
In there.
654
00:44:54,823 --> 00:44:57,383
Well, we were chatting, you know.
655
00:44:57,459 --> 00:45:00,292
She's very nice.
Quite a looker.
656
00:45:00,362 --> 00:45:05,766
But a little narcissistic, a little shallow.
But really very nice.
657
00:45:05,834 --> 00:45:12,398
But after she talked to you, she said
that she was coming to my bar mitzvah.
658
00:45:12,474 --> 00:45:14,738
So what did you say?
659
00:45:15,143 --> 00:45:19,079
She said she was into horses,
and I said I was into horses, too.
660
00:45:19,147 --> 00:45:21,240
Yeah.
661
00:45:21,316 --> 00:45:26,948
And I told her...
I'd buy her a horse.
662
00:45:28,724 --> 00:45:30,055
What?
663
00:45:31,226 --> 00:45:35,663
I know this Navajo guy.
He has a lot of Shetlands.
664
00:45:35,731 --> 00:45:39,223
You know those little ponies,
the ones nobody wants,
665
00:45:39,301 --> 00:45:41,735
the fershlugginer ones?
666
00:45:41,803 --> 00:45:43,964
Well, I can get one of those free.
667
00:45:44,039 --> 00:45:47,372
Yeah, but does she know
that she's getting a midget horse?
668
00:45:48,043 --> 00:45:51,774
- Great game, honey.
- Adam? Adam Fiedler?
669
00:45:51,847 --> 00:45:54,372
Arnie. Hey.
670
00:45:54,449 --> 00:45:57,213
Don't forget we have to stretch.
671
00:45:57,286 --> 00:46:01,552
- Thought you didn't see me for a second.
- I was hoping it wasn't you.
672
00:46:01,623 --> 00:46:05,115
- I got your invitation to Dodger Stadium.
- Yeah.
673
00:46:05,193 --> 00:46:08,390
- Ambitious bar-mitzvah venue.
- Thank you. Hey, Raylene.
674
00:46:08,463 --> 00:46:11,864
- Hey, Adam. Are you up next?
- If you guys are done.
675
00:46:11,933 --> 00:46:15,494
- Who'd you get for Dodger Stadium?
- Haven't gotten there yet.
676
00:46:15,570 --> 00:46:19,700
- You're kidding. Haven't booked icons?
- No. It's too early for the icons.
677
00:46:19,775 --> 00:46:23,404
Get him. It's never too early.
Let me give you some advice.
678
00:46:23,478 --> 00:46:24,672
Oh, good.
679
00:46:24,746 --> 00:46:29,774
Never overreach on the venue and
under-deliver on talent. It's embarrassing.
680
00:46:29,851 --> 00:46:33,981
- That was good. I got a match. I gotta go.
- Who you playin' with?
681
00:46:34,056 --> 00:46:38,652
New client. Just signed him. Gonna be
a big deal. But he's a private guy, so...
682
00:46:38,727 --> 00:46:41,025
New client, huh?
Congratulations.
683
00:46:41,963 --> 00:46:47,993
Casey, I love the idea of Dodger Stadium.
I just don't wanna under-deliver on talent.
684
00:46:48,070 --> 00:46:52,837
I want Benji to remember this day
for the rest of his life. OK, Casey? Uh-huh.
685
00:46:52,908 --> 00:46:56,207
So I want a grand entrance.
Not jumping out of a plane.
686
00:46:56,278 --> 00:46:59,008
Jews don't jump.
Or a helicopter or a hovercraft.
687
00:46:59,081 --> 00:47:01,447
No, I want...
Put him on a jet pack.
688
00:47:01,516 --> 00:47:04,280
How about a jet pack?
689
00:47:07,322 --> 00:47:10,155
I always wanted to be five feet
by my bar mitzvah.
690
00:47:10,225 --> 00:47:12,659
I'm not even gonna come close.
691
00:47:12,728 --> 00:47:17,825
We can solve that. It's an easy problem.
We go to the shoe store, we buy lifts.
692
00:47:17,899 --> 00:47:21,801
Why don't you rebound a little?
I'm running all over the place.
693
00:47:23,171 --> 00:47:25,605
We should discuss your flirting.
694
00:47:25,674 --> 00:47:28,541
I don't mean to be harsh,
but you're terrible.
695
00:47:28,610 --> 00:47:30,635
- That bad, huh?
- Yeah.
696
00:47:30,712 --> 00:47:35,513
You're supposed to make a girl feel
beautiful and sexy and fascinating.
697
00:47:35,951 --> 00:47:41,218
How can you get there if you talk so fast
they can't get a word in edgewise?
698
00:47:41,289 --> 00:47:46,886
And whatever farkakte thing a girl says,
you agree. Women love agreeing.
699
00:47:48,163 --> 00:47:49,960
- Nice shot.
- Come here.
700
00:47:50,031 --> 00:47:53,797
Take one shot. We're out here.
You can't just sit here. Here you go.
701
00:47:53,869 --> 00:47:56,804
Snap your wrist and push.
Bend your knees and...
702
00:47:56,872 --> 00:47:58,999
There ya go!
703
00:47:59,074 --> 00:48:03,977
I wanna get a big-name rapper
to open it up. Like, how much for 50 Cent?
704
00:48:04,045 --> 00:48:08,482
OK, how about 17 Cent?
We don't need his whole posse.
705
00:48:08,550 --> 00:48:13,613
I think the Laker Girls are a little off-theme.
No, we don't need yarmulkes on 'em.
706
00:48:13,688 --> 00:48:17,522
What about the rabbi?
Can he slide into home? I'm kidding.
707
00:48:17,592 --> 00:48:23,155
But this is very important. Make sure
that Arnie is never seen on the JumboTron.
708
00:48:23,231 --> 00:48:28,191
- Let's talk about this Haftorah phobia.
- The what?
709
00:48:28,270 --> 00:48:31,967
You're nervous about speaking
in front of a group of people.
710
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:33,029
Yeah.
711
00:48:33,108 --> 00:48:36,839
Have you ever tried this thing
where you picture them all naked, nude,
712
00:48:36,912 --> 00:48:39,608
no clothes at all?
713
00:48:39,681 --> 00:48:41,546
Wahoo!
714
00:48:43,151 --> 00:48:44,743
I don't think that'd work.
715
00:48:44,820 --> 00:48:49,223
OK. Well, I've done a little public speaking,
and I'll tell you the truth.
716
00:48:49,291 --> 00:48:55,252
What works for me is
no matter what I'm saying, I truly believe it.
717
00:48:57,799 --> 00:49:00,324
I don't even know
what the Hebrew stuff means.
718
00:49:02,404 --> 00:49:06,704
Why don't you find out what it means
before you say it?
719
00:49:55,557 --> 00:49:58,321
Oh.
720
00:49:58,393 --> 00:50:00,418
What are you doing up so late?
721
00:50:00,495 --> 00:50:05,262
Got the heart of a child
and the bladder of a Chihuahua.
722
00:50:05,333 --> 00:50:07,358
Sit down.
723
00:50:13,808 --> 00:50:16,936
You don't hate me,
do you, Rose?
724
00:50:17,012 --> 00:50:20,209
No, I don't hate you.
725
00:50:20,282 --> 00:50:22,546
It was the both of us, Irwin.
726
00:50:22,617 --> 00:50:26,144
We drove each other crazy.
727
00:50:26,221 --> 00:50:29,349
And something was missing...
728
00:50:29,424 --> 00:50:32,916
like a job.
729
00:50:32,994 --> 00:50:38,955
All right. I just couldn't be one of those
schmucks who sold linoleum flooring,
730
00:50:39,034 --> 00:50:40,870
who took the train to work every morning
and took the train home every night.
731
00:50:40,905 --> 00:50:44,431
who took the train to work every morning
and took the train home every night.
732
00:50:44,506 --> 00:50:48,704
It killed me to be
one of those schmucks, Rose.
733
00:50:48,777 --> 00:50:52,941
Those schmucks were fathers, Irwin.
734
00:50:53,015 --> 00:50:56,382
Those schmucks were husbands.
735
00:50:56,452 --> 00:50:59,080
You think it was all easy for them?
736
00:50:59,154 --> 00:51:02,612
They were making sacrifices...
737
00:51:04,026 --> 00:51:09,225
and you just left us without a word.
738
00:51:09,298 --> 00:51:14,133
I really thought
you'd be better off without me.
739
00:51:14,203 --> 00:51:19,334
I'll be honest, Rose. I truly wish
I could take back the years. I really do.
740
00:51:19,408 --> 00:51:22,400
- No, you can't take back the years.
- Adam.
741
00:51:22,478 --> 00:51:26,244
No, you can't take 'em back.
You lookin' for love and forgiveness?
742
00:51:26,315 --> 00:51:29,512
- You don't deserve it. You won't get it.
- Sha. Sha.
743
00:51:29,585 --> 00:51:33,077
It was like a Jewish edition
of "The Jerry Springer Show."
744
00:51:33,155 --> 00:51:35,919
You know about you,
but you don't know about us.
745
00:51:35,991 --> 00:51:39,222
No one does except Irwin and me.
746
00:51:39,295 --> 00:51:42,059
I wasn't always very supportive with him.
747
00:51:43,565 --> 00:51:46,534
- I could always make him feel small.
- Mm-hmm.
748
00:51:46,602 --> 00:51:49,127
And there's no man
who wants to feel small.
749
00:51:49,204 --> 00:51:52,867
Rose, Rose,
it wasn't your fault, it was mine.
750
00:51:52,942 --> 00:51:56,002
You know, she was once on a jury,
and they kicked her off
751
00:51:56,078 --> 00:51:59,536
'cause she insisted
she was the one who was guilty.
752
00:51:59,615 --> 00:52:03,210
More cheap jokes. That's all he's got.
He's full of cheap jokes.
753
00:52:03,285 --> 00:52:06,152
Adam, this is not one of your movies.
754
00:52:06,221 --> 00:52:10,590
There are few angels and devils
in the real world,
755
00:52:10,659 --> 00:52:13,719
and most us fall somewhere in between.
756
00:52:13,796 --> 00:52:18,927
Now, please, Adam, let it be.
Let it be, darling.
757
00:52:19,435 --> 00:52:21,596
Go to bed, sweetheart, please.
758
00:52:21,670 --> 00:52:24,639
- I'm going to bed.
- OK.
759
00:52:24,707 --> 00:52:26,732
- In my house.
- OK.
760
00:52:26,809 --> 00:52:27,798
Good night.
761
00:52:27,876 --> 00:52:32,074
Yeah, the family here that I provided for
with the money that I earned
762
00:52:32,147 --> 00:52:35,674
in my house in my bedroom
in my sheets that I paid for.
763
00:52:35,751 --> 00:52:39,414
Take a bath in my bathtub
with the little... all my stuff.
764
00:52:39,488 --> 00:52:41,820
OK, OK, OK.
765
00:52:41,890 --> 00:52:44,518
Thanks for stickin' up for me, Rose.
766
00:52:44,593 --> 00:52:48,154
He was never a mellow child.
767
00:52:53,235 --> 00:52:58,070
Yes, my-my issue is
Benjamin is learning his Haftorah,
768
00:52:58,140 --> 00:53:00,438
but he doesn't know what it means.
769
00:53:00,509 --> 00:53:03,478
The English translation
is next to the Hebrew text.
770
00:53:03,545 --> 00:53:06,708
Yes, but nobody's making it
come alive for him.
771
00:53:06,782 --> 00:53:12,948
He's getting the ritual part, but he's not
delving into any deeper meaning.
772
00:53:13,022 --> 00:53:16,389
I-I think you're letting the kids down.
773
00:53:18,727 --> 00:53:24,495
You don't know what you're talking about.
I ask the students if they have questions.
774
00:53:24,566 --> 00:53:30,334
But I don't think they understand
what the bar mitzvah means.
775
00:53:31,273 --> 00:53:35,505
That's not right.
With all due respect.
776
00:53:37,179 --> 00:53:41,115
Have you ever noticed that when
someone says "with all due respect,"
777
00:53:41,183 --> 00:53:43,617
there's usually
little respect proffered?
778
00:53:43,685 --> 00:53:49,521
In this case,
it's out of respect to you that I am here.
779
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,490
I spent an hour that day
talking to the rabbi,
780
00:53:54,563 --> 00:53:57,259
breaking my record
by about 59 minutes.
781
00:53:57,332 --> 00:54:02,998
This is about you, Benjamin,
your growth as a person, as a Jew,
782
00:54:03,072 --> 00:54:06,735
as you journey toward manhood.
783
00:54:06,809 --> 00:54:10,370
It won't be easy -
full of pitfalls -
784
00:54:10,446 --> 00:54:15,748
but it will be
the most valuable journey of your life.
785
00:54:15,818 --> 00:54:21,017
Being a man means that you are now
responsible for repairing the world -
786
00:54:21,090 --> 00:54:25,424
tikkun olam- responsible
for obeying the Ten Commandments,
787
00:54:25,494 --> 00:54:27,428
responsible for your actions.
788
00:54:27,496 --> 00:54:31,762
The day before your bar mitzvah,
your sins belong to your parents.
789
00:54:31,834 --> 00:54:37,170
The day after,
your sins belong to you.
790
00:54:38,373 --> 00:54:43,333
This didn't make me want to run out
and have a bar mitzvah. I have to tell ya.
791
00:54:43,779 --> 00:54:45,974
It just made me wanna run.
792
00:54:46,849 --> 00:54:50,148
Grandpa, I was thinking,
793
00:54:50,219 --> 00:54:54,155
I'm not really up for the bar mitzvah.
794
00:54:54,223 --> 00:54:57,056
I need to get out of town.
795
00:54:57,126 --> 00:55:01,290
Must be a gene in the family -
the runaway gene.
796
00:55:03,632 --> 00:55:06,260
I'm sorry, Benjamin.
I can't help you.
797
00:55:06,335 --> 00:55:10,499
You gotta do what you think is right.
You're about to be a man.
798
00:55:12,608 --> 00:55:16,374
So you think I should suck it up
and do what they want?
799
00:55:16,445 --> 00:55:21,007
I wish I could tell you what you should do,
800
00:55:21,083 --> 00:55:25,247
but it's not something that can be told.
801
00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:27,686
Oh, oh, oh.
802
00:55:27,756 --> 00:55:30,816
- What?
- I see action. There's action here.
803
00:55:30,893 --> 00:55:31,985
- Uh-oh.
- Whoa.
804
00:55:32,060 --> 00:55:34,494
No, take... Pull it up.
Here you go.
805
00:55:34,563 --> 00:55:37,031
Let me help you.
Something's coming here.
806
00:55:37,099 --> 00:55:38,361
Almost. Is it big?
807
00:55:38,433 --> 00:55:42,130
Pulling. It's big, it's big, it's big,
and it's here.
808
00:55:42,204 --> 00:55:46,573
- What the hell is that?
- It's seaweed.
809
00:55:46,642 --> 00:55:49,543
Fishing did make me think.
810
00:55:49,611 --> 00:55:54,480
I thought about what Irwin said,
I thought about what the rabbi said,
811
00:55:54,550 --> 00:55:57,075
and then I talked to both of them.
812
00:55:57,152 --> 00:56:00,019
And slowly,
for the first time,
813
00:56:00,088 --> 00:56:03,455
this bar-mitzvah thing
began to make some sense.
814
00:56:09,765 --> 00:56:13,326
All right, fine,
I'll have the bar mitzvah.
815
00:56:13,402 --> 00:56:15,996
If you're sure that's what you want.
816
00:56:16,071 --> 00:56:18,665
Yeah. I'm just not sure about the party.
817
00:56:24,379 --> 00:56:25,539
- You OK?
- Yeah.
818
00:56:25,614 --> 00:56:28,174
- You all right?
- Yeah.
819
00:56:28,250 --> 00:56:31,879
What, are ya
trying to kill somebody?
820
00:56:31,954 --> 00:56:34,684
Why don't you watch
where you're going, old man?!
821
00:56:34,756 --> 00:56:37,850
I'd rather be an old man
than a young fool.
822
00:56:37,926 --> 00:56:40,360
This guy had
way too much coffee.
823
00:56:40,429 --> 00:56:46,061
You got something to say to me, why don't
you come outside and say it?! Come on!
824
00:56:46,134 --> 00:56:48,898
- Time for the cane.
- No. He seems angry. Don't.
825
00:56:48,971 --> 00:56:51,098
- Come on!
- Don't, don't.
826
00:56:51,173 --> 00:56:53,767
Stay there.
Stay in the car.
827
00:56:53,842 --> 00:56:55,070
Come on!
828
00:56:55,844 --> 00:56:58,404
All right, I'm out.
829
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:00,971
Oh...
830
00:57:01,049 --> 00:57:04,177
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
831
00:57:04,253 --> 00:57:06,881
Leave my grandfather alone,
you big jerk!
832
00:57:06,955 --> 00:57:09,185
Is that your bodyguard?
Ha-ha-ha.
833
00:57:09,258 --> 00:57:13,160
That's great.
I'm just gonna take that.
834
00:57:14,863 --> 00:57:16,922
'Cause I...
835
00:57:16,999 --> 00:57:19,229
Time to go home.
836
00:57:21,703 --> 00:57:24,194
Put that down.
Put it down.
837
00:57:24,273 --> 00:57:26,707
Walk away.
838
00:57:26,775 --> 00:57:29,608
I got somewhere to be, so...
839
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:33,607
Go back to your mom.
840
00:57:33,682 --> 00:57:35,240
Your mom!
841
00:57:35,317 --> 00:57:37,478
Oh, good comeback.
842
00:57:38,720 --> 00:57:40,745
That was awesome.
843
00:57:43,358 --> 00:57:46,020
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
844
00:57:48,530 --> 00:57:51,727
- No. You pull out a sword?
- That wisenheimer guy.
845
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,564
- You're irresponsible.
- He was never in danger.
846
00:57:54,636 --> 00:58:00,802
I don't want your influence around my son.
I don't want you at the bar mitzvah.
847
00:58:00,876 --> 00:58:06,542
Fine, you don't want me at the bar mitzvah,
I won't go. I'm sorry, Benji.
848
00:58:08,950 --> 00:58:11,316
Thanks a lot!
849
00:58:11,853 --> 00:58:13,081
Hi, Irwin.
850
00:58:13,155 --> 00:58:17,216
I'm not going to the bar mitzvah,
but I'll send a gift.
851
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:20,387
What did you do?
852
00:58:28,270 --> 00:58:34,209
After all the yelling stopped, I realized
I was going through with this bar mitzvah.
853
00:58:34,276 --> 00:58:39,714
Now, I know I didn't care about having
a huge party or outdoing the Steins,
854
00:58:39,781 --> 00:58:44,548
but I had to figure out
what I did care about.
855
00:58:47,089 --> 00:58:49,421
Hey, kiddo.
856
00:58:49,491 --> 00:58:51,482
What you up to?
857
00:58:51,560 --> 00:58:54,120
Nothin'.
858
00:58:54,196 --> 00:58:55,788
You look so happy.
859
00:58:55,864 --> 00:58:58,856
Ach, your third birthday party.
860
00:58:58,934 --> 00:59:01,528
Terrence will edit all of these
into the video,
861
00:59:01,603 --> 00:59:05,835
and Daddy wants to show it
on the big screen at Dodger Stadium.
862
00:59:07,509 --> 00:59:10,967
It really wasn't Grandpa's fault,
what happened today.
863
00:59:11,046 --> 00:59:14,447
Oh, Benjamin.
864
00:59:14,516 --> 00:59:20,148
I am talking to Daddy, and Grandma's
talking to Irwin. Do not worry about it.
865
00:59:20,222 --> 00:59:24,249
- I really do want him to come.
- Oh...
866
00:59:26,795 --> 00:59:33,257
I had a meeting yesterday with Wolfgang
Puck, and he had some crazy ideas.
867
00:59:33,335 --> 00:59:37,465
He was gonna take the chicken paillard
and make them into baseball mitts,
868
00:59:37,539 --> 00:59:41,066
Then he took the sausage foie gras
and made them into bats.
869
00:59:41,143 --> 00:59:44,874
You know,
the Louisville Sluggers.
870
00:59:46,181 --> 00:59:48,741
Uh, Mom...
871
00:59:53,054 --> 00:59:58,424
I kinda decided to change
my bar mitzvah plans. A little.
872
00:59:58,493 --> 01:00:01,621
Oh. OK.
873
01:00:02,798 --> 01:00:04,823
Maybe you should get a pencil.
874
01:00:07,002 --> 01:00:09,027
- Good news, honey.
- Yeah?
875
01:00:09,104 --> 01:00:13,803
Benji's got some great new ideas
for his bar mitzvah.
876
01:00:13,875 --> 01:00:16,708
Eight days to go,
he's got new ideas?
877
01:00:16,778 --> 01:00:19,269
Night, baby.
878
01:00:19,347 --> 01:00:23,044
Honey, we're locked and loaded here.
We're ready to go.
879
01:00:23,118 --> 01:00:25,609
Not exactly.
880
01:00:55,016 --> 01:00:58,884
- A total revamp. No Dodger Stadium.
- That's right.
881
01:00:58,954 --> 01:01:01,923
- Cancel everything?
- Yes.
882
01:01:01,990 --> 01:01:05,824
The flowers?
The programs? The centerpieces?
883
01:01:05,894 --> 01:01:08,863
- How about the low-carb Dodger Dogs?
- 'Fraid not.
884
01:01:08,930 --> 01:01:12,331
You know all the plans we made?
Cancel 'em.
885
01:01:35,090 --> 01:01:37,490
Today, you are a man.
886
01:01:37,559 --> 01:01:40,687
Today, you are a man?
887
01:01:40,762 --> 01:01:43,128
Today...
888
01:01:43,198 --> 01:01:46,326
you are a man!
889
01:01:51,473 --> 01:01:53,941
You seen my cufflinks? Honey?
890
01:01:54,009 --> 01:01:57,445
No, no. Not... Oh, jeez.
891
01:01:57,512 --> 01:02:01,312
Did you see my little silver bag
with the little silver handles?
892
01:02:01,383 --> 01:02:04,079
You kidding me, honey?
Haven't seen it.
893
01:02:13,662 --> 01:02:16,563
Do we have any idea
what we're doing?
894
01:02:19,034 --> 01:02:21,502
Well, um, yeah.
895
01:02:21,570 --> 01:02:26,735
I know what we're doing. We're, uh,
we're worrying. That's what we're doing.
896
01:02:26,808 --> 01:02:31,609
We're worrying whether Benji's friends
will like him, if Arnie's gonna like you,
897
01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:35,275
if Rita and Gladys are gonna get along,
if Irwin will even show up.
898
01:02:35,350 --> 01:02:38,478
We're parents.
That's what we do. We worry.
899
01:02:40,889 --> 01:02:42,254
Not relaxing me.
900
01:03:10,251 --> 01:03:14,449
It's not like a ride. You don't have to be
tall enough to be bar mitzvahed.
901
01:03:14,522 --> 01:03:17,047
- Yeah, but it would've been nice.
- Well...
902
01:03:17,125 --> 01:03:20,185
I don't think I was much taller than you
when I had mine.
903
01:03:20,261 --> 01:03:22,923
That's encouraging,
but look at you now.
904
01:03:22,998 --> 01:03:25,466
Still not so tall, are ya?
905
01:03:25,533 --> 01:03:29,936
You're not so tall. You know what?
Let me tell you something.
906
01:03:30,472 --> 01:03:35,933
Benjamin, I just wanna tell you that...
I think you're a great son.
907
01:03:36,011 --> 01:03:41,472
You're a great kid who's on his way
to becoming... a great man.
908
01:03:41,549 --> 01:03:44,814
I am very proud of you.
I love you very much.
909
01:03:46,087 --> 01:03:48,317
Love you, too, Dad.
910
01:03:48,990 --> 01:03:53,324
- But you don't know how to shave, though.
- What? Ow. Oh.
911
01:03:53,395 --> 01:03:57,695
- I love you.
- I love you, too. I love you, too.
912
01:03:57,766 --> 01:04:01,930
Is Grandpa coming today? Grandpa.
913
01:04:02,003 --> 01:04:05,871
Of course he's coming.
Absolutely. Of course he'll be there.
914
01:04:05,940 --> 01:04:09,103
Ooh, hi there.
915
01:04:09,177 --> 01:04:11,805
Zachary put that up.
I told him not to.
916
01:04:11,880 --> 01:04:15,077
You're not tall enough
to go on that ride, you know.
917
01:04:15,150 --> 01:04:21,316
- Why don't we just head downstairs?
- Let's go downstairs. Ready to get Jewish?
918
01:04:21,389 --> 01:04:24,119
- Yeah.
- All right, let's do it.
919
01:04:24,192 --> 01:04:28,652
Yes, beautiful. Let me place you a little bit,
take advantage of the light.
920
01:04:28,730 --> 01:04:33,394
Mom up a step. Radiant, glowing.
Grandmother, elegant.
921
01:04:33,468 --> 01:04:36,335
- It'll all be fine.
- Of course it will, honey.
922
01:04:36,404 --> 01:04:39,635
Oh, here's the father.
Here's the bar mitzvah boy.
923
01:04:39,708 --> 01:04:42,176
Oh, my men.
924
01:04:42,243 --> 01:04:44,837
Look natural.
You couldn't look more handsome.
925
01:04:44,913 --> 01:04:48,474
They're posing.
Good family moment. Go shoot it.
926
01:04:48,550 --> 01:04:52,884
- Are we still waiting for the grandfather?
- We... We can...
927
01:04:54,122 --> 01:04:55,987
I'll get him.
928
01:05:06,735 --> 01:05:09,863
- Irwin.
- Irwin's not home.
929
01:05:11,740 --> 01:05:13,435
Irwin?
930
01:05:16,144 --> 01:05:21,582
I'm coming, I'm coming.
I can't tie the tie so good anymore.
931
01:05:21,649 --> 01:05:25,141
Here, I am coming for Benjamin.
932
01:05:25,220 --> 01:05:29,486
Now that you've convinced him to screw up
all our plans, we'll take some photos.
933
01:05:29,557 --> 01:05:31,491
Convince him of nothing.
934
01:05:31,559 --> 01:05:35,120
He made the decision all on his own,
Adam, for the first time.
935
01:05:35,196 --> 01:05:38,188
I give you credit
for letting him change your plans.
936
01:05:38,266 --> 01:05:41,827
Can I use that credit to pay for
the extensive cancellation fees?
937
01:05:41,903 --> 01:05:44,667
Stop. This is about life.
938
01:05:44,739 --> 01:05:49,767
Life's bigger than cancellation fees, seating
charts, guest lists and ice sculptures.
939
01:05:49,844 --> 01:05:53,780
Where were you when I was a teenager,
when I needed all this great wisdom?
940
01:05:53,848 --> 01:05:58,410
I wasn't there, Adam,
and I apologize.
941
01:05:58,486 --> 01:06:00,954
I tried to come back into your life,
942
01:06:01,022 --> 01:06:03,354
but you wouldn't let me.
943
01:06:03,424 --> 01:06:05,551
Let me now.
944
01:06:07,462 --> 01:06:13,298
I don't wanna be on cable when I'm pouring
my heart out. I'm trying to be sincere.
945
01:06:13,368 --> 01:06:18,806
You're not making any sense to me.
You guys, we're having a moment. Please.
946
01:06:18,873 --> 01:06:20,500
This is the heart of the movie.
947
01:06:20,575 --> 01:06:24,306
No, it's a bar-mitzvah video,
for the love of God, OK?
948
01:06:24,379 --> 01:06:29,009
Light check. Anya... You're beautiful.
Anya, here you go. Get me a Xanax.
949
01:06:29,083 --> 01:06:32,678
- Some of my best work.
- It's gonna be your only work. It's done.
950
01:06:32,754 --> 01:06:35,587
Take a minute, take five.
Thanks. Just take it.
951
01:06:35,657 --> 01:06:37,056
I'm cool, I'm cool.
952
01:06:37,525 --> 01:06:40,016
Dad, Grandpa,
we need you.
953
01:06:40,562 --> 01:06:44,464
Hi. Yeah, the whole family
needs to be together.
954
01:06:44,532 --> 01:06:47,023
Come and take a photo.
955
01:06:47,101 --> 01:06:49,569
"Come and take a photo."
956
01:06:50,038 --> 01:06:52,404
Ready to go to the temple.
957
01:06:56,411 --> 01:06:59,141
Little bigger on the smiles, maybe.
958
01:07:00,648 --> 01:07:04,744
Just gorgeous.
Everybody perky and happy and bursting.
959
01:07:04,819 --> 01:07:08,687
Oh, that's beautiful.
Say "meshugana."
960
01:07:08,756 --> 01:07:13,195
Meshugana.
961
01:07:13,230 --> 01:07:14,560
Hey...
962
01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:21,866
The good news- I finally understood
what my Haftorah meant.
963
01:07:21,937 --> 01:07:25,998
The bad news-
I still had to get up and read it.
964
01:07:26,075 --> 01:07:28,976
- Tallis.
- Tallis.
965
01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:31,138
- And...
- Whoa.
966
01:07:31,213 --> 01:07:34,341
I hadn't noticed.
You lost your little tail.
967
01:07:34,417 --> 01:07:35,884
Huh?
968
01:07:35,951 --> 01:07:39,648
- What, you give up being a hippie?
- For the time being.
969
01:07:47,129 --> 01:07:49,529
Check out Brainiac.
970
01:07:55,971 --> 01:07:57,461
Shabbat shalom.
971
01:07:57,540 --> 01:08:02,273
and welcome
to Benjamin Fiedler's bar mitzvah.
972
01:08:20,096 --> 01:08:25,693
It's an honor to pass the Torah from
generation to generation to generation.
973
01:08:50,759 --> 01:08:53,751
And now we continue
Benjamin's rite of passage
974
01:08:53,829 --> 01:08:58,129
with the chanting of his Haftorah.
975
01:09:01,036 --> 01:09:03,197
Go get 'em, kiddo.
976
01:09:23,392 --> 01:09:25,690
Shh.
977
01:09:28,063 --> 01:09:29,928
Come on.
978
01:09:52,421 --> 01:09:54,480
Squeeze 'em.
979
01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:46,398
Oh.
980
01:10:46,475 --> 01:10:48,773
So I'm 13 years old,
981
01:10:48,844 --> 01:10:53,440
which was probably old enough
to be a tribal warrior in the old days,
982
01:10:53,515 --> 01:10:59,920
but in these days, when you're 13,
you're still pretty much a kid,
983
01:10:59,989 --> 01:11:04,585
even though you want everybody
to think that you're not.
984
01:11:04,660 --> 01:11:09,427
Like my grandma Rose always says,
"You're a boy, you're a man, you're a boy.
985
01:11:09,498 --> 01:11:13,525
It's confusing,
but I'm not unhappy."
986
01:11:13,602 --> 01:11:16,093
And that's where I am now.
987
01:11:16,171 --> 01:11:20,005
I'm still a little confused,
988
01:11:20,075 --> 01:11:25,604
but, finally,
I'm on the road to being a man...
989
01:11:26,548 --> 01:11:31,451
and I guess that's my way of apologizing
for the sudden change of plans.
990
01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:37,789
I hope no one is disappointed that we're not
gonna have the party at Dodger Stadium,
991
01:11:37,860 --> 01:11:42,524
but last week,
I decided to change my theme
992
01:11:42,598 --> 01:11:46,466
to something much more
meaningful to me.
993
01:11:49,138 --> 01:11:51,732
Hello.
Welcome to our home.
994
01:11:51,807 --> 01:11:56,073
Benjamin, good job.
Joanne, this is lovely.
995
01:11:56,145 --> 01:11:58,613
Wonderful hair.
Don't cut yourself.
996
01:12:07,556 --> 01:12:09,956
What's Fiedler trying to pull here?
997
01:12:10,025 --> 01:12:13,290
I don't get it. Is it supposed to be
like Fiddler on the Roof?
998
01:12:13,362 --> 01:12:17,924
Oh, that's a good one. Fiedler on the...
Wait a minute. Oh, very clever.
999
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:20,434
He zigs when everyone else zags.
1000
01:12:20,502 --> 01:12:24,529
He's saying, "I'm so rich,
I don't have to try to impress anyone."
1001
01:12:24,606 --> 01:12:27,234
Then why'd we spend
half a million dollars?
1002
01:12:27,309 --> 01:12:30,335
- 'Cause that shtuk talked us into it.
- Hi.
1003
01:12:30,412 --> 01:12:31,845
Benjamin...
1004
01:12:31,914 --> 01:12:35,680
Apart from the occasional fear
of aunt suffocation,
1005
01:12:35,751 --> 01:12:38,117
everything seemed to be
coming together.
1006
01:12:40,522 --> 01:12:44,253
What a terrific idea to have
the bar mitzvah at your house.
1007
01:12:45,260 --> 01:12:48,661
- I've learned a lot from you, young warrior.
- Thanks, Sandy.
1008
01:12:48,731 --> 01:12:51,700
- High-five. Fake.
- Aw...
1009
01:12:51,767 --> 01:12:56,295
Don't steal the centerpiece. They're rented.
Hi. How are ya? Nice to see ya.
1010
01:12:56,372 --> 01:12:58,670
Well, I am Irwin Fiedler.
1011
01:12:58,741 --> 01:13:01,972
- Your son read the Haftorah well.
- So nice.
1012
01:13:02,044 --> 01:13:06,208
You guys look great. Have to steal him.
Grab a drink. Excuse me.
1013
01:13:06,281 --> 01:13:09,648
- Why'd you pull me away?
- I don't want you talking to everyone.
1014
01:13:09,718 --> 01:13:13,654
- I thought he was The Great Gatsby.
- Did you say that to him?
1015
01:13:13,722 --> 01:13:18,625
- Congratulations, Mr. Fiedler.
- Thanks for all your help, Rabbi.
1016
01:13:18,694 --> 01:13:21,288
- You ashamed of me?
- Now that you asked...
1017
01:13:21,363 --> 01:13:23,058
What is that to say?
1018
01:13:23,132 --> 01:13:28,195
I need to talk to both... Stop, stop. Hey,
you guys, I need to talk to you. Come on.
1019
01:13:28,270 --> 01:13:30,636
This is the world we live in...
1020
01:13:30,706 --> 01:13:33,766
People are listening to us.
OK, just stop.
1021
01:13:34,410 --> 01:13:35,900
Just stop fighting.
1022
01:13:35,978 --> 01:13:39,243
- I apologized.
- You don't wanna ruin his bar mitzvah.
1023
01:13:39,314 --> 01:13:41,748
- Stop.
- You don't wanna go 0 for 2.
1024
01:13:41,817 --> 01:13:44,877
- You're failing your own son.
- I failed?
1025
01:13:44,953 --> 01:13:48,411
Benji never...
He wanted to change...
1026
01:13:51,226 --> 01:13:53,592
Finally, it was nice and peaceful.
1027
01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:57,194
What's he doing?
1028
01:13:57,266 --> 01:13:59,257
I didn't know it was a pool party.
1029
01:13:59,334 --> 01:14:03,668
Who is that?
What are they doing in there?
1030
01:14:03,739 --> 01:14:06,867
- Hold this, please.
- Are they baptizing him?
1031
01:14:06,942 --> 01:14:08,807
You OK? I got him.
1032
01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,178
We should've jumped off the boat.
1033
01:14:11,246 --> 01:14:16,343
- I got him. I got him!
- Don't grab a drowning victim by the arms.
1034
01:14:16,418 --> 01:14:19,251
- What, are you on Baywatch?
- Underneath.
1035
01:14:19,321 --> 01:14:21,482
You all right?
1036
01:14:21,557 --> 01:14:24,424
I'm fine.
I just needed you two to stop.
1037
01:14:27,663 --> 01:14:30,632
Oh, my God, what are you doing?
Come out of there.
1038
01:14:31,133 --> 01:14:33,192
Out now.
1039
01:14:33,268 --> 01:14:35,702
Adam. Irwin?
1040
01:14:35,771 --> 01:14:37,636
I can't find my yarmulke.
1041
01:14:37,706 --> 01:14:40,334
- Irwin.
- I'm out, I'm out.
1042
01:14:42,110 --> 01:14:44,044
- Oh.
- We're...
1043
01:14:44,112 --> 01:14:48,446
- No, we're fine. It's a family tradition.
- Yeah, it's great.
1044
01:14:48,517 --> 01:14:50,451
Go back, please.
Go eat, go dance.
1045
01:14:50,519 --> 01:14:53,818
We'll have real
synchronized swimmers later. Cut that.
1046
01:14:53,889 --> 01:14:57,791
Everyone else is at the buffet.
Please join them. Please.
1047
01:14:58,827 --> 01:15:02,194
- What happened?
- Irwin's making everyone crazy.
1048
01:15:02,264 --> 01:15:04,391
That's why Benjamin jumped in the pool.
1049
01:15:04,466 --> 01:15:07,435
Enough, Adam. Enough.
1050
01:15:07,503 --> 01:15:11,098
It's not about Irwin.
It is about you.
1051
01:15:11,173 --> 01:15:15,906
Everybody has something bad happen
in their lives, but look at your life now.
1052
01:15:15,978 --> 01:15:19,277
Look at your beautiful,
charmed life.
1053
01:15:19,348 --> 01:15:21,373
Look at the love in your life, Adam.
1054
01:15:23,852 --> 01:15:25,376
Get over it.
1055
01:15:38,934 --> 01:15:41,994
Hey, swim team,
can I borrow a hair dryer?
1056
01:15:42,070 --> 01:15:43,731
Yeah, come in.
1057
01:15:45,440 --> 01:15:47,408
Uh... yeah.
1058
01:15:47,476 --> 01:15:49,706
I gotta get downstairs, but, uh...
1059
01:15:49,778 --> 01:15:52,576
You're gonna make up
before you come down, right?
1060
01:15:54,449 --> 01:15:57,441
Because the day I become a man,
1061
01:15:57,519 --> 01:16:00,886
you're not supposed to act like children.
1062
01:16:04,259 --> 01:16:08,593
For his sake, we should
try to untense ourselves a little bit.
1063
01:16:08,664 --> 01:16:10,063
I don't know how.
1064
01:16:10,132 --> 01:16:11,759
Wait. Forgiveness is hard,
1065
01:16:11,833 --> 01:16:16,770
but Sacred says it's like a sweet wine
drunk only by the very brave.
1066
01:16:16,838 --> 01:16:20,274
Oh, did she say that before
or after she smoked the peyote?
1067
01:16:26,281 --> 01:16:31,947
- I look pretty good, don't I?
- Yeah, you do.
1068
01:16:32,020 --> 01:16:34,420
I believe I'm beginning to bloom.
1069
01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:40,326
Barbecues are kind of corny.
1070
01:16:40,395 --> 01:16:42,727
- Oh, hi, Benjamin.
- Hey.
1071
01:16:42,798 --> 01:16:46,234
So what exactly is your theme?
1072
01:16:46,301 --> 01:16:49,361
I guess it's, uh,
becoming a man.
1073
01:16:50,305 --> 01:16:52,933
Oh, totally.
I can see that.
1074
01:16:53,008 --> 01:16:56,739
But isn't that kind of boring?
1075
01:16:56,812 --> 01:16:58,780
I don't think so.
1076
01:17:00,782 --> 01:17:03,012
Come on, let's go.
1077
01:17:03,085 --> 01:17:06,179
Grandpa's right.
She is shallow.
1078
01:17:06,254 --> 01:17:09,087
Oh, totally.
1079
01:17:09,157 --> 01:17:11,785
Where is Irwin and your dad?
Where are they?
1080
01:17:11,860 --> 01:17:13,521
Uh...
1081
01:17:13,595 --> 01:17:14,823
Come on, Adam.
1082
01:17:14,896 --> 01:17:21,665
I can't just snap my fingers
and, poof, you're forgiven, all right?
1083
01:17:21,737 --> 01:17:24,035
It doesn't happen that way.
1084
01:17:24,106 --> 01:17:26,700
All right, stop snapping
your fingers a minute.
1085
01:17:26,775 --> 01:17:31,303
The pain that I have doesn't
just magically disappear. OK?
1086
01:17:31,380 --> 01:17:36,909
Because, you know, you left us, and that's
a reality that we all have to deal with.
1087
01:17:37,619 --> 01:17:43,319
I-I know I was wrong, but haven't you
ever done something wrong, Adam?
1088
01:17:45,761 --> 01:17:51,666
Have you ever done anything
that was stupid, cowardly, selfish?
1089
01:17:52,634 --> 01:17:55,762
Have you ever done anything
1090
01:17:55,837 --> 01:18:00,331
that you just couldn't make right,
no matter how hard you tried?
1091
01:18:03,378 --> 01:18:05,903
Of course.
1092
01:18:05,981 --> 01:18:07,676
I'm an agent.
1093
01:18:14,322 --> 01:18:17,758
What do you want me to do?
It's getting late.
1094
01:18:17,826 --> 01:18:22,024
What do you wanna do?
Should we wait for them?
1095
01:18:22,097 --> 01:18:25,430
No, no. Let's do it.
1096
01:18:25,500 --> 01:18:27,024
All right.
1097
01:18:27,102 --> 01:18:32,233
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're gonna get this bar mitzvah started.
1098
01:18:32,307 --> 01:18:35,538
Hi. Everyone, if you could
gather around the dance floor,
1099
01:18:35,610 --> 01:18:39,068
we're gonna start
the candle-lighting ceremony.
1100
01:18:41,750 --> 01:18:42,876
Uh...
1101
01:18:45,087 --> 01:18:48,454
- Hi. I'm Benjamin...
- Wait. We're coming.
1102
01:18:48,523 --> 01:18:51,321
Hey. Sorry.
Excuse me. Sorry.
1103
01:18:51,393 --> 01:18:54,021
Hey, Benji. Sorry.
1104
01:18:54,096 --> 01:18:56,860
Thank you all for coming today,
1105
01:18:56,932 --> 01:19:00,333
and I'd like to give out a special thanks
1106
01:19:00,402 --> 01:19:04,236
to my dad and my grandpa
for making up after all these years.
1107
01:19:06,208 --> 01:19:08,699
How about a hug?
1108
01:19:12,981 --> 01:19:15,711
This is my promise to my family.
1109
01:19:15,784 --> 01:19:19,686
Now that we're all together here again,
1110
01:19:19,755 --> 01:19:22,280
I promise to bust my tokus
1111
01:19:22,357 --> 01:19:26,453
to be as much of a mentsh
as my son Benjamin.
1112
01:19:26,528 --> 01:19:29,520
I should only be so lucky.
Thank you.
1113
01:19:29,598 --> 01:19:32,931
Let's cut the cake.
1114
01:19:36,705 --> 01:19:40,300
It's killing me
that these phonies eat it all up.
1115
01:19:41,409 --> 01:19:44,674
Not you, the others.
You're very sincere.
1116
01:19:48,083 --> 01:19:49,277
Oh, my...
1117
01:19:55,123 --> 01:19:56,283
Ahh.
1118
01:19:56,358 --> 01:19:58,918
- Holy shit.
- Rabbi...
1119
01:19:59,427 --> 01:20:01,691
I couldn't cancel Neil Diamond.
1120
01:20:04,132 --> 01:20:08,501
How the hell does he get Neil Diamond
to play at a bar mitzvah?
1121
01:20:11,273 --> 01:20:12,740
Oh.
1122
01:20:12,808 --> 01:20:14,469
He's hot.
1123
01:20:14,543 --> 01:20:16,602
It's Neil Diamond.
1124
01:20:16,678 --> 01:20:19,146
Hi, Rose.
Mom says hi.
1125
01:20:19,214 --> 01:20:20,681
Oh, ho-ho.
1126
01:20:20,749 --> 01:20:22,046
You know him?
1127
01:20:22,117 --> 01:20:24,847
I know his mother.
I used to play canasta with her.
1128
01:20:24,920 --> 01:20:26,148
Wow.
1129
01:20:26,221 --> 01:20:28,519
- Say "shpilkes."
- Shpilkes.
1130
01:20:29,691 --> 01:20:32,159
Benjamin, mazel tov.
We're proud of you.
1131
01:20:37,465 --> 01:20:40,298
- Let's go.
- Sit down, you traitor.
1132
01:21:05,393 --> 01:21:07,452
Never liked this song.
1133
01:21:28,316 --> 01:21:29,681
Hey!
1134
01:21:44,232 --> 01:21:47,895
- Come on, get in there!
- Go!
1135
01:21:47,969 --> 01:21:49,527
Whoa.
1136
01:21:54,109 --> 01:21:55,508
Get my grandpa!
1137
01:22:02,450 --> 01:22:04,475
I need a seatbelt here.
1138
01:22:06,588 --> 01:22:10,684
Get my dad!
Get my dad!
1139
01:22:10,759 --> 01:22:12,954
- Hey, Adam!
- Forget it.
1140
01:22:13,028 --> 01:22:16,088
Come on, Adam. Schmuck.
1141
01:22:16,164 --> 01:22:20,794
- Adam, get in the friggin' chair.
- OK.
1142
01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:48,156
Hey!
1143
01:29:28,296 --> 01:29:31,026
I repeat.